Tweeted? Whatever. Here are some random thoughts I might have posted this past week:
I'd like to thank the return of '80s fashion for the fingerless gloves that now keep my hands warm enough to type in my home office. about 4 days ago
Grrr. I hate it when I forget my tea is steeping. Now drinking a cuppa that brewed for 20 min. about 2 days ago
11.28.2008
11.26.2008
Thanksgiving
We're hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, and preparations are chugging along. Plan menu? Check. Buy groceries? Check. Mix up bring for the turkey? Check. Since I know I'll be busy in the kitchen for most of the day tomorrow, I thought I'd post this meditation on thankfulness today. I read it yesterday in A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent.
The more absorbed I am in the gospel, the more grateful I become in the midst of my circumstances, whatever they may be.
Viewing life's blessings as water in a drinking cup, I know that I could discontentedly focus on the half of the cup that seems empty, or I could gratefully focus on the half that is full. Certainly, the latter approach is the better of the two, yet the gospel cultivates within me a richer gratitude than this.
The gospel reminds me first that what I actually deserve from God is a full cup churning with the torments of His wrath. This is the cup that would be mine to drink if I were given what I deserve each day. With this understanding in mind, I see that to be handed a completely empty cup from God would be cause enough for infinite gratitude. If there were merely the tiniest drop of blessing contained in that otherwise empty cup, I should be blown away by the unbelievable kindness of God toward me. That God, in fact, has give me a cup that is full of "every spiritual blessing in Christ," and this without the slightest admixture of wrath, leaves me truly dumbfounded with inexpressible joy. As for my specific earthly circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve.
When I look at any circumstance that God apportions me, I am first grateful for the wrath I am not receiving in that moment (The empty part of the cup never looked so good!). Second, I am grateful for the blessings that are given to me instead of His wrath. (Life's blessings, however small, always appear exceedingly precious when viewed against the backdrop of the wrath I deserve.) This two-layered gratitude disposed my heart to give thanks in all things and it also lends a certain intensity to my giving of thanks. Such a gospel-generated gratitude glorifies God, contributes to peace of mind, and keeps my foot from the path of foolishness and ruin.
I pray that you all have a gospel-generated intensity as you give thanks this holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!
Thankfulness Enriched by Relief
The more absorbed I am in the gospel, the more grateful I become in the midst of my circumstances, whatever they may be.
Viewing life's blessings as water in a drinking cup, I know that I could discontentedly focus on the half of the cup that seems empty, or I could gratefully focus on the half that is full. Certainly, the latter approach is the better of the two, yet the gospel cultivates within me a richer gratitude than this.
The gospel reminds me first that what I actually deserve from God is a full cup churning with the torments of His wrath. This is the cup that would be mine to drink if I were given what I deserve each day. With this understanding in mind, I see that to be handed a completely empty cup from God would be cause enough for infinite gratitude. If there were merely the tiniest drop of blessing contained in that otherwise empty cup, I should be blown away by the unbelievable kindness of God toward me. That God, in fact, has give me a cup that is full of "every spiritual blessing in Christ," and this without the slightest admixture of wrath, leaves me truly dumbfounded with inexpressible joy. As for my specific earthly circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve.
When I look at any circumstance that God apportions me, I am first grateful for the wrath I am not receiving in that moment (The empty part of the cup never looked so good!). Second, I am grateful for the blessings that are given to me instead of His wrath. (Life's blessings, however small, always appear exceedingly precious when viewed against the backdrop of the wrath I deserve.) This two-layered gratitude disposed my heart to give thanks in all things and it also lends a certain intensity to my giving of thanks. Such a gospel-generated gratitude glorifies God, contributes to peace of mind, and keeps my foot from the path of foolishness and ruin.
I pray that you all have a gospel-generated intensity as you give thanks this holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!
11.25.2008
Some Personal Additions to "What I'd Like for You to Know"
A while back* when I pointed you all to the infertility edition of the "What I'd Like for You to Know" series at Rocks In My Dryer, one friend asked if there was anything I would add to it. Here are a few personal additions, but first a caveat. This is a list of challenges that are often overlooked. People can see when I'm doing well, and by God's grace I have grown in contentment amid infertility. Here, I'm addressing some specific temptations that you wouldn't be aware of if you haven't experienced infertility or a similar trial.
I don't just grieve over our inability to have a baby; I grieve over a whole set of dreams.
We don't have a baby. I've never been pregnant. But the ache of infertility isn't just about these efforts for a first child. We wanted to have a full family, maybe four kids. Even if we do ever conceive once, I know that won't be a magic bullet that kills off our infertility once and for all. One child would be a miracle, and I would be overjoyed. More than one child... well, that seems like too much to ask at this point. We will probably exhaust our arsenal of fertility treatments if we get pregnant. Or we will exhaust our finances (after having to scrape the funds together in the first place) if we pursue adoption. Infertility doesn't just mean we can't have one child; it means we can't have the family we hoped to have.
Milestones are bittersweet.
The anniversary we celebrated recently was delightful. We're grateful for every year of marriage. But I'm also very aware that an anniversary marks one more year that we haven't gotten pregnant or had a baby. When people enthusiastically say, "Happy anniversary! Wow, has it been six years already?!" - I welcome their kind joy for us, but I also think, "Yes, it has been six years, six years of just the two of us, many more years than we expected to be childless." My birthdays and Aaron's birthdays remind me that we won't get to be young parents like we wished. The new year means another year of disappointed hopes has passed, another year of trying to build a family has turned over.
And it's not just our own milestones. Your anniversaries cause pangs of jealousy; "Oh, they've been married for four years and already have two kids." Your children's birthdays can be the hardest of all. When you're celebrating your child's third birthday, I'm aware that you announced your pregnancy with that child just as we started trying to conceive. Your two-year-old? He was born during our first failed IVF cycle. If your baby is turning one, I'm steeling myself for the impending announcement of the next pregnancy. Now, we love you, and we love your kids. I sincerely do rejoice with you at your milestones. But they are also vivid reminders of what might have been, and what clearly isn't, in our family of two.
Stories of Joe and Suzy, who did (fill-in-the-blank) and then got pregnant, don't help.
One of the default attempts people make to sympathize and encourage when they hear about our infertility is to tell an anecdote of some other couple they knew. "I knew these people who couldn't get pregnant and they gave up trying, then seven years later they had a baby!" "Bill and Mary finally adopted, and then she got pregnant!" "The Smiths had twins through IVF, and then they conceived on their own four months after the twins were born!" I understand that those stories are meant to convey hope. But they don't. It would be kind of like telling a friend who just found out that she has breast cancer that you knew a guy who had prostate cancer that was cured by a little radiation. Misses the point, huh? Infertility has so many underlying causes - female factor, male factor, ovulatory dysfunction, endometriosis, thyroid disorders, poly-cystic ovaries, and so on. Your friends who ultimately got pregnant probably had an entirely different reason for their infertility, and so their success has about as much bearing on our situation as the case of prostate cancer would have to the case of breast cancer. It's much better to ask questions about our specific struggles than to offer a random story of so-and-so. (I would imagine that this would go for most health challenges or significant trials.)
Relatedly, it's also not helpful when you only offer blind optimism that ignores my very real doubt that we will ever have children. All of those types of stories mentioned previously have one common thread - the "happy" ending. When people assume we will get that same "happily-ever-after" to our story of infertility, it hurts more than it helps, because it misses the fact that a large part of the struggle is the uncertainty, the fear that our family will never grow. We've had people visit our new house and make comments about how certain rooms will make a great nursery someday; that's like salt in the wound, because we might never need a room for a baby. I need others to hope and have faith for me, but not at the cost of belittling the pain of how small that hope often feels. And not in a way that communicates that the only happy solution is the one where we get the baby. God will be faithful and will bless us even if we never have children.
Reaching across seasons of life should go both ways.
Most of my friends have children. Most of them have young children, which means they're in a season of life where motherhood is fairly consuming. Their thoughts and therefore their conversations tend toward what's going on with the kids. This increases exponentially when the conversation includes a group of moms. That's understandable, and I generally want to know what's going on with my friends kids and how they're enjoying or being challenged by being a mother. But I really appreciate those who are sensitive toward the temptations those types of conversations pose for me. It means a lot when a friend makes an effort to talk about the areas of her life beyond being a mother, or when she asks me about my life. It helps so much when someone steers a group conversation to a topic that everyone - including me - can discuss, or when someone pulls me aside after a talk-fest about kids' antics or schedules or what-have-you and asks how I'm doing or acknowledges that the conversation was probably hard for me.
At my church, we emphasize that our common bond is not in a season of life or in certain practices, but in the gospel. As the odd-woman-out, I often feel like the burden falls on me to make the efforts to find that unity in the gospel. I'll keep making those efforts, but I'm blessed when those in the majority resist the urge to rely on the common bond of circumstances and make those efforts toward unity a two-way street. (Again, this would apply to many different trials - to the single in a group of married women, to the public-schooler in a group of home-schoolers, etc.)
These few temptations aren't the whole story of infertility. And these temptations aren't necessarily constant. By and large, I have outstanding friends who are deeply sensitive, who have shown great kindness and made serious efforts to understand over these past four years. I'm so grateful for the gifts that I have even while I suffer - for my marriage, for my home, for my church, for grace to persevere. But hopefully this list will help you to understand some of the unspoken challenges and to learn how to extend even more compassion and comfort to those who need it.
*Two months ago, I noticed when I dug up the older post. Have I seriously been thinking about the question for that long? My blogging is finally starting to catch up with my thoughts... And sadly, thinking about this post for so long hasn't really made it well-written. Oh well.
I don't just grieve over our inability to have a baby; I grieve over a whole set of dreams.
We don't have a baby. I've never been pregnant. But the ache of infertility isn't just about these efforts for a first child. We wanted to have a full family, maybe four kids. Even if we do ever conceive once, I know that won't be a magic bullet that kills off our infertility once and for all. One child would be a miracle, and I would be overjoyed. More than one child... well, that seems like too much to ask at this point. We will probably exhaust our arsenal of fertility treatments if we get pregnant. Or we will exhaust our finances (after having to scrape the funds together in the first place) if we pursue adoption. Infertility doesn't just mean we can't have one child; it means we can't have the family we hoped to have.
Milestones are bittersweet.
The anniversary we celebrated recently was delightful. We're grateful for every year of marriage. But I'm also very aware that an anniversary marks one more year that we haven't gotten pregnant or had a baby. When people enthusiastically say, "Happy anniversary! Wow, has it been six years already?!" - I welcome their kind joy for us, but I also think, "Yes, it has been six years, six years of just the two of us, many more years than we expected to be childless." My birthdays and Aaron's birthdays remind me that we won't get to be young parents like we wished. The new year means another year of disappointed hopes has passed, another year of trying to build a family has turned over.
And it's not just our own milestones. Your anniversaries cause pangs of jealousy; "Oh, they've been married for four years and already have two kids." Your children's birthdays can be the hardest of all. When you're celebrating your child's third birthday, I'm aware that you announced your pregnancy with that child just as we started trying to conceive. Your two-year-old? He was born during our first failed IVF cycle. If your baby is turning one, I'm steeling myself for the impending announcement of the next pregnancy. Now, we love you, and we love your kids. I sincerely do rejoice with you at your milestones. But they are also vivid reminders of what might have been, and what clearly isn't, in our family of two.
Stories of Joe and Suzy, who did (fill-in-the-blank) and then got pregnant, don't help.
One of the default attempts people make to sympathize and encourage when they hear about our infertility is to tell an anecdote of some other couple they knew. "I knew these people who couldn't get pregnant and they gave up trying, then seven years later they had a baby!" "Bill and Mary finally adopted, and then she got pregnant!" "The Smiths had twins through IVF, and then they conceived on their own four months after the twins were born!" I understand that those stories are meant to convey hope. But they don't. It would be kind of like telling a friend who just found out that she has breast cancer that you knew a guy who had prostate cancer that was cured by a little radiation. Misses the point, huh? Infertility has so many underlying causes - female factor, male factor, ovulatory dysfunction, endometriosis, thyroid disorders, poly-cystic ovaries, and so on. Your friends who ultimately got pregnant probably had an entirely different reason for their infertility, and so their success has about as much bearing on our situation as the case of prostate cancer would have to the case of breast cancer. It's much better to ask questions about our specific struggles than to offer a random story of so-and-so. (I would imagine that this would go for most health challenges or significant trials.)
Relatedly, it's also not helpful when you only offer blind optimism that ignores my very real doubt that we will ever have children. All of those types of stories mentioned previously have one common thread - the "happy" ending. When people assume we will get that same "happily-ever-after" to our story of infertility, it hurts more than it helps, because it misses the fact that a large part of the struggle is the uncertainty, the fear that our family will never grow. We've had people visit our new house and make comments about how certain rooms will make a great nursery someday; that's like salt in the wound, because we might never need a room for a baby. I need others to hope and have faith for me, but not at the cost of belittling the pain of how small that hope often feels. And not in a way that communicates that the only happy solution is the one where we get the baby. God will be faithful and will bless us even if we never have children.
Reaching across seasons of life should go both ways.
Most of my friends have children. Most of them have young children, which means they're in a season of life where motherhood is fairly consuming. Their thoughts and therefore their conversations tend toward what's going on with the kids. This increases exponentially when the conversation includes a group of moms. That's understandable, and I generally want to know what's going on with my friends kids and how they're enjoying or being challenged by being a mother. But I really appreciate those who are sensitive toward the temptations those types of conversations pose for me. It means a lot when a friend makes an effort to talk about the areas of her life beyond being a mother, or when she asks me about my life. It helps so much when someone steers a group conversation to a topic that everyone - including me - can discuss, or when someone pulls me aside after a talk-fest about kids' antics or schedules or what-have-you and asks how I'm doing or acknowledges that the conversation was probably hard for me.
At my church, we emphasize that our common bond is not in a season of life or in certain practices, but in the gospel. As the odd-woman-out, I often feel like the burden falls on me to make the efforts to find that unity in the gospel. I'll keep making those efforts, but I'm blessed when those in the majority resist the urge to rely on the common bond of circumstances and make those efforts toward unity a two-way street. (Again, this would apply to many different trials - to the single in a group of married women, to the public-schooler in a group of home-schoolers, etc.)
These few temptations aren't the whole story of infertility. And these temptations aren't necessarily constant. By and large, I have outstanding friends who are deeply sensitive, who have shown great kindness and made serious efforts to understand over these past four years. I'm so grateful for the gifts that I have even while I suffer - for my marriage, for my home, for my church, for grace to persevere. But hopefully this list will help you to understand some of the unspoken challenges and to learn how to extend even more compassion and comfort to those who need it.
*Two months ago, I noticed when I dug up the older post. Have I seriously been thinking about the question for that long? My blogging is finally starting to catch up with my thoughts... And sadly, thinking about this post for so long hasn't really made it well-written. Oh well.
11.21.2008
Roasted Vegetable Soup & Salad
We served this meal to friends recently, and it was a hit.
Spinach Salad with Roasted Fall Vegetables
for the roasted vegetables
for the dressing
to assemble the salad
Toss 1 lb baby spinach in dressing. Place spinach on plates, then top with roasted vegetables and cheese, if desired (feta or goat cheese work really well).
Roasted Vegetable Soup
We like this meal with a good crusty bread. I roasted the vegetables for the salad first, then roasted the vegetables for the soup while the salad veggies cooled; the oven kept the kitchen toasty warm on a cold fall day! It makes a great meal for those with allergies or dietary restrictions (no dairy, egg, soy, etc.; just watch the ingredients on the broth, and leave the cheese off the salad). Enjoy!
Spinach Salad with Roasted Fall Vegetables
for the roasted vegetables
- 1 medium squash (I've used butternut or acorn squash; butternut is much easier to peel! I think yams would work well, too.), peeled, seeded and cut into 1 1/2" pieces
- 1-2 baking potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 1 1/2" pieces (you could also use 1-2 lb new potatoes, halved or quartered)
- 1 onion (I like red), peeled and quartered
- 4-6 garlic cloves, peeled
- 2-3 tbsp olive oil
- salt & pepper
for the dressing
- 3 tbsp olive oil
- 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
- 1 tsp Dijon mustard
- salt and pepper
to assemble the salad
Toss 1 lb baby spinach in dressing. Place spinach on plates, then top with roasted vegetables and cheese, if desired (feta or goat cheese work really well).
Roasted Vegetable Soup
- 6 beefsteak tomatoes, halved and cored
- 2 leeks, rinsed well, white and pale green parts cut int 1/2" pieces
- 2 carrots, cut into 1/4" pieces
- 4 garlic cloves, peeled
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- salt & pepper
- about 30 oz vegetable broth (2 cans or one carton)
We like this meal with a good crusty bread. I roasted the vegetables for the salad first, then roasted the vegetables for the soup while the salad veggies cooled; the oven kept the kitchen toasty warm on a cold fall day! It makes a great meal for those with allergies or dietary restrictions (no dairy, egg, soy, etc.; just watch the ingredients on the broth, and leave the cheese off the salad). Enjoy!
11.18.2008
When I Said "Warm Clothes," I Meant Clothes that Would Keep Me Warm, Not Clothes Appropriate for a Warm Climate
Aaron and I had a truly lovely weekend away. We rested, we did some sightseeing, and we had extended time to talk and fellowship and enjoy our marriage.
On Friday, I flew into Buffalo, NY, and Aaron met me at the airport (he had been working last week at a conference in upstate New York). After checking in to our hotel in downtown Buffalo and relaxing there for a bit, we walked to an upscale restaurant where Aaron had reservations for us. I had an exquisitely delicious garlic soup that I absolutely must figure out how to recreate!
After sleeping in a little on Saturday (since we now get up at 5am most mornings, sleeping in meant not getting out of bed until 7:30, but that would have been 6:30 central time - still, it felt great!), we drove up to Niagara Falls. We crossed into Canada, found a place to park, then walked along the river to the falls. It was raining and foggy, so we didn't have a great view, but it was still pretty spectacular! After admiring the falls, we visited a greenhouse on the grounds of the Niagara Falls park, then we had lunch at a restaurant overlooking the falls. For the afternoon, we drove back to Buffalo and toured a Frank Lloyd Wright house (the Darwin D. Martin house). Since I have an interest in architecture and design, I found the tour fascinating. After the tour, we spent the rest of the evening relaxing at the hotel.
On Sunday morning, we went across the street to a local coffeehouse for breakfast, and we sat in their cozy chairs and spent extended time reading our Bibles and journaling. Then we returned to our room to pray together for a little while. We prayed specifically about Aaron's job and our family-building, the two areas where we're facing significant trials, and we asked the Lord to show us one step to take in each of those areas. After we finished praying, we packed up and went to the airport. As we waited to board our planes, we wrote our Christmas lists (they're coming, Mom & Dad!). Then we flew our separate ways - Aaron on to the next business conference in Arkansas, and me back home.
The Lord definitely answered the prayers for our weekend! We both feel restored from the busyness of these past several months and renewed to keep persevering in the months to come.
On Friday, I flew into Buffalo, NY, and Aaron met me at the airport (he had been working last week at a conference in upstate New York). After checking in to our hotel in downtown Buffalo and relaxing there for a bit, we walked to an upscale restaurant where Aaron had reservations for us. I had an exquisitely delicious garlic soup that I absolutely must figure out how to recreate!
After sleeping in a little on Saturday (since we now get up at 5am most mornings, sleeping in meant not getting out of bed until 7:30, but that would have been 6:30 central time - still, it felt great!), we drove up to Niagara Falls. We crossed into Canada, found a place to park, then walked along the river to the falls. It was raining and foggy, so we didn't have a great view, but it was still pretty spectacular! After admiring the falls, we visited a greenhouse on the grounds of the Niagara Falls park, then we had lunch at a restaurant overlooking the falls. For the afternoon, we drove back to Buffalo and toured a Frank Lloyd Wright house (the Darwin D. Martin house). Since I have an interest in architecture and design, I found the tour fascinating. After the tour, we spent the rest of the evening relaxing at the hotel.
On Sunday morning, we went across the street to a local coffeehouse for breakfast, and we sat in their cozy chairs and spent extended time reading our Bibles and journaling. Then we returned to our room to pray together for a little while. We prayed specifically about Aaron's job and our family-building, the two areas where we're facing significant trials, and we asked the Lord to show us one step to take in each of those areas. After we finished praying, we packed up and went to the airport. As we waited to board our planes, we wrote our Christmas lists (they're coming, Mom & Dad!). Then we flew our separate ways - Aaron on to the next business conference in Arkansas, and me back home.
The Lord definitely answered the prayers for our weekend! We both feel restored from the busyness of these past several months and renewed to keep persevering in the months to come.
11.13.2008
Getaway
This Sunday will be our sixth anniversary. (If you haven't already seen it, you might enjoy the slide show I made for our fifth anniversary last year*.) Aaron is flying me off to some secret destination for the weekend (all I know so far is that I should pack warm clothes). I'm terribly excited and so ready to get away. We'd love your prayers for a weekend of rest in this busy season, and for us to have fellowship and fun together as husband and wife!
*You know, last year when I did NaBloPoMo. Things are a little quieter around the blog this November. See above re: busy season. So, so busy.
*You know, last year when I did NaBloPoMo. Things are a little quieter around the blog this November. See above re: busy season. So, so busy.
10.30.2008
BooMama Heard My Cry!
Well, I guess it probably wasn't really a response to my request for crockpot recipes. But...
BooMama is hosting a Souptacular Crockpotalooza today!
I haven't even begun to look through the recipes. Oh, except for the Elton John soup. Because, seriously, how can you resist the urge to click immediately on a link to something called Elton John soup? Anyway, I don't have any contribution to make to the Souptacular Crockpotalooza, but I'm excited to browse through all the links that BooMama is collecting and to find some new meals for our repertoire. You know, when I have time.
Another thing that requires time? Thinking. And blogging requires thinking. And I have no time, so no thinking, and no blogging. I did try to think while staring at a blank "Create Post" window for about 45 minutes yesterday morning. Hmm. Maybe those thoughts will become coherent enough to write soon.
BooMama is hosting a Souptacular Crockpotalooza today!
I haven't even begun to look through the recipes. Oh, except for the Elton John soup. Because, seriously, how can you resist the urge to click immediately on a link to something called Elton John soup? Anyway, I don't have any contribution to make to the Souptacular Crockpotalooza, but I'm excited to browse through all the links that BooMama is collecting and to find some new meals for our repertoire. You know, when I have time.
Another thing that requires time? Thinking. And blogging requires thinking. And I have no time, so no thinking, and no blogging. I did try to think while staring at a blank "Create Post" window for about 45 minutes yesterday morning. Hmm. Maybe those thoughts will become coherent enough to write soon.
10.25.2008
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Crockpot Recipes
Fall is in full swing here, and I'm craving cozy comfort food. I want to use my crockpot more, but I have been making the same crockpot recipes for years and I'm ready for some variety. I checked out a slow cooker cookbook from the library, but I'd love to hear your favorite crockpot recipes! Please leave links or full recipes in the comments.
And because I'm a giver and not just a taker, you can find a couple of our favorite crockpot recipes here.
And because I'm a giver and not just a taker, you can find a couple of our favorite crockpot recipes here.
10.22.2008
I Felt a Little Sheepish When He Said, "So, I'm the Fourth Doctor You've Seen?"
On Monday, I saw a new doctor, to get another opinion after our less-than-pleasant consultation with Dr. Ego. I liked the new doctor quite a bit; he was sympathetic, ready to take my opinions into consideration, and eager to offer help. When he heard our position on not freezing embryos, he said that he did not think IVF would be worthwhile for us. In his opinion, the limitations imposed by fertilizing a small number of eggs make the risks of IVF outweigh the potential benefits. However, he tried to offer as many other options as possible. He asked if we would be open to using donor embryos and gave me a list of the embryos that they currently have available at their clinic. (He also informed us that insurance companies consider donor embryos cycles the same as fresh IVF cycles; that means we'd have to choose between dFET and IVF for our remaining two covered cycles.) He said that we could continue to do IUIs. He mentioned that, judging by our records, it's entirely possible that we could still conceive without medical assistance. And he directed me to an article that he had recently read that mentioned a Christian fertility doctor in Oklahoma (turns out he had his facts a little mixed up, but I appreciated the effort all the same).
All that to say, I definitely like this doctor's personality a lot, but Aaron and I aren't sure what to pursue next. We'll probably take a break for the rest of the year, regardless; we don't really want to squeeze fertility treatments into the next couple of months that are already full of business trips, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. In the meantime, we're praying for guidance as we consider all the possibilities. Do we look around for a doctor who will do IVF within our parameters? Do we try one of the other medical options, like donor embryos or more IUIs? Do we pursue adoption? Do we just rest as a family of two and wait to see what the Lord does?
All that to say, I definitely like this doctor's personality a lot, but Aaron and I aren't sure what to pursue next. We'll probably take a break for the rest of the year, regardless; we don't really want to squeeze fertility treatments into the next couple of months that are already full of business trips, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. In the meantime, we're praying for guidance as we consider all the possibilities. Do we look around for a doctor who will do IVF within our parameters? Do we try one of the other medical options, like donor embryos or more IUIs? Do we pursue adoption? Do we just rest as a family of two and wait to see what the Lord does?
"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" (2 Chron. 20:12).
"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand" (Ps. 31:14-15).
"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hand" (Ps. 31:14-15).
10.16.2008
Six Things, or a Partial List of the Last-Bite Rules
Michele tagged me for the six things meme. Since I've already done a general response to a similar tag, I'm going to narrow my focus for this one. I have a quirk, when eating, of choosing my last bite before I take my first bite; this quirk is, judging by the comments I receive on it, both baffling and beloved to those who learn of it. I here present a list, by no means exhaustive, of the last-bite rules.
1. Bread (whether sandwich bread, a slice of French baguette, a muffin, etc.) must be eaten starting with the bottom crust and ending with the top crust - preferably not a corner, but a middle-section of the top crust. In order to ensure that eating bread in this order results in the best-possible last bite, one must, when buttering toast or spreading peanut-butter and jelly, apply the thickest coating of said toppings along the top crust of the bread.
2. When eating a salad, be sure to keep an eye out for when each tasty element (vegetable, fruit, cheese, etc.) dwindles down to its last piece. Save those pieces up and then collect them all on your fork for one scrumptious last bite full of the best contents of your salad.
3. After picking up a chocolate-chip cookie, scrutinize it for the spot with the highest concentration of chocolate morsels. (Hint: Looking at the underside of the cookie gives the best data.) Hold that part of the cookie in your fingers - but don't touch the chocolate chips and melt them! - and eat your way to that pre-selected, chocolaty-ist piece. (P.S. This reservation of the last bite by holding it between your fingers and gradually nibbling towards it applies to all hand-held foods, including breads in accordance with the dictates of Rule #1.)
4. Chips. Chips are tricky, therefore it is best not to eat them too often. In order to follow the last-bite rule of chips, one may be forced to over-indulge. The last chip cannot be chosen only by taste, not by sight. When eating chips, keep eating until you get that one with an extra burst of salty flavor. If you encounter this chip at only your second or third one, chances are you won't be ready to stop eating, so you will keep munching chips until you find the next chip with that special something. Make that your last bite; every other chip to follow will inevitably disappoint.
5. Main dishes, in all their variety, follow this general rule: get as much of the good stuff as you can in the last bite. Either look at the beginning for the part that appears to have the most flavor (seasoning, toppings, etc.) and mark it out for the end, or, in the case of pastas or soups, make sure as you eat to reserve pieces of the flavorful ingredients for the finale.
6. IMPORTANT over-arching rule of last-bite eating: If you are getting full, HEAD STRAIGHT FOR THE LAST BITE. Do not abandon the already-chosen last bite because you cannot make it there; skip everything else to ensure you have that savory finish before you can eat no more.
After reading this (partial) list of the last-bite rules, you may think I'm certifiably obsessive-compulsive. The thing is, I hardly think about these things as I do them; it's just an ingrained approach to eating. If you share a meal with me, you won't even notice that I'm doing it. However, if you spot me slightly tilting a chocolate-chip cookie and glancing at its underside, now you'll know what I'm up to!
I'll tag KC, Renee, Faith, and Stacey. You're it, ladies!
1. Bread (whether sandwich bread, a slice of French baguette, a muffin, etc.) must be eaten starting with the bottom crust and ending with the top crust - preferably not a corner, but a middle-section of the top crust. In order to ensure that eating bread in this order results in the best-possible last bite, one must, when buttering toast or spreading peanut-butter and jelly, apply the thickest coating of said toppings along the top crust of the bread.
2. When eating a salad, be sure to keep an eye out for when each tasty element (vegetable, fruit, cheese, etc.) dwindles down to its last piece. Save those pieces up and then collect them all on your fork for one scrumptious last bite full of the best contents of your salad.
3. After picking up a chocolate-chip cookie, scrutinize it for the spot with the highest concentration of chocolate morsels. (Hint: Looking at the underside of the cookie gives the best data.) Hold that part of the cookie in your fingers - but don't touch the chocolate chips and melt them! - and eat your way to that pre-selected, chocolaty-ist piece. (P.S. This reservation of the last bite by holding it between your fingers and gradually nibbling towards it applies to all hand-held foods, including breads in accordance with the dictates of Rule #1.)
4. Chips. Chips are tricky, therefore it is best not to eat them too often. In order to follow the last-bite rule of chips, one may be forced to over-indulge. The last chip cannot be chosen only by taste, not by sight. When eating chips, keep eating until you get that one with an extra burst of salty flavor. If you encounter this chip at only your second or third one, chances are you won't be ready to stop eating, so you will keep munching chips until you find the next chip with that special something. Make that your last bite; every other chip to follow will inevitably disappoint.
5. Main dishes, in all their variety, follow this general rule: get as much of the good stuff as you can in the last bite. Either look at the beginning for the part that appears to have the most flavor (seasoning, toppings, etc.) and mark it out for the end, or, in the case of pastas or soups, make sure as you eat to reserve pieces of the flavorful ingredients for the finale.
6. IMPORTANT over-arching rule of last-bite eating: If you are getting full, HEAD STRAIGHT FOR THE LAST BITE. Do not abandon the already-chosen last bite because you cannot make it there; skip everything else to ensure you have that savory finish before you can eat no more.
After reading this (partial) list of the last-bite rules, you may think I'm certifiably obsessive-compulsive. The thing is, I hardly think about these things as I do them; it's just an ingrained approach to eating. If you share a meal with me, you won't even notice that I'm doing it. However, if you spot me slightly tilting a chocolate-chip cookie and glancing at its underside, now you'll know what I'm up to!
I'll tag KC, Renee, Faith, and Stacey. You're it, ladies!
10.14.2008
Passing
Sorry to be gone from the blog for so long again. Aaron's grandfather died on Wednesday, so we've been in West Virginia for the funeral. It was a good time with family, remembering the long life of a 95-year-old patriarch. My family has been visiting us since last Saturday, so our trip to West Virginia was sandwiched by time with my dad, mom, and brother. They head back to Texas today. I'm grateful for the time with them, and it was nice to have them stay at our house instead of having to stay at a hotel. Now, life will return to its normal rhythms, and that's no bad thing either.
9.30.2008
Wheeee! I'm Writing My Own Content Instead of Providing Links!
I continue to be displeased by Dr. Ego and his clinic. Since Dr. Owlish left the practice, there has been a huge turnover among all the support staff as well (nurses, ultrasound techs, receptionists). Now, not only do I dislike my doctor, I also sense a general air of incompetence at the whole clinic.
A week ago Thursday, I showed up for day 3 blood tests and ultrasound. I had asked for an early appointment, because I teach at a homeschool co-op on Thursday mornings now. However, what normally takes 15-20 minutes took over an hour that day. First, I had to wait a while to be seen. Then, the nurse didn't have my charts and didn't know what to do. When she figured it out and started to prep my arm to have blood drawn, I asked if they were running all the extra panels Dr. Ego had suggested (Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, various antibody checks). Blank look. Eventually, I had to give them my copy of Dr. Ego's notes (which thankfully I still had in my purse) so that they knew what to do. After the nurse painstakingly coded all 5 vials of my blood, I waited again for an ultrasound. Finally, I was free to leave - at exactly the time I should have been starting my first co-op class.
That circus of an appointment cleared me to do the Clomid challenge test (a test to determine appropriate medication dosages for IVF). After five days on a high dose of Clomid (who knows what that has done to me, since I come close to overstimming on the lowest dose of Clomid!), I revisited the clinic for bloodwork. As I settled into the chair and rolled up my sleeve, the nurse (different than the previous one) said, "I have to draw about 6 vials today; do you want to lay down?" I asked what tests were being run. "Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, various antibody screening panels." I told her those had been drawn the previous week. She went back to check my charts and then returned to say there were no records of those tests being done. So it was all done again. Hmph. (I don't have results yet.)
Now I'm supposed to have a e-tegrity test done at the end of this cycle, to examine the enzymes in my endometrial lining. This test is not covered by insurance, so Aaron and I have been debating whether we want it done or not. However, it may be a moot point, because a precondition of the test is that I use OPKs (ovulation predictor kit) and call when the line darkens to indicate my LH surge. I've been testing every morning for the past four days, and the line is getting fainter, not darker. I tend to ovulate early (day 11-13), so I'm guessing the high dose of Clomid caused me to ovulate even earlier. I'll call the clinic later today and see what they want to do if that's the case.
In the meantime, I finally called another doctor yesterday. I had gotten a recommendation from a friend, but I haven't had the time or inclination to go through the hassle of setting up an appointment and getting a new referral. However, when I called this potential new doctor and my insurance company, I found out that my referral is global, not tied to a specific specialist. So I can see any RE I want (in the network) without having a re-issued referral. I can't believe how easy it is! My consultation is set for Oct. 20; I'll find out then if this other doctor will work with our preferences about IVF or not. Please pray that he will!
A week ago Thursday, I showed up for day 3 blood tests and ultrasound. I had asked for an early appointment, because I teach at a homeschool co-op on Thursday mornings now. However, what normally takes 15-20 minutes took over an hour that day. First, I had to wait a while to be seen. Then, the nurse didn't have my charts and didn't know what to do. When she figured it out and started to prep my arm to have blood drawn, I asked if they were running all the extra panels Dr. Ego had suggested (Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, various antibody checks). Blank look. Eventually, I had to give them my copy of Dr. Ego's notes (which thankfully I still had in my purse) so that they knew what to do. After the nurse painstakingly coded all 5 vials of my blood, I waited again for an ultrasound. Finally, I was free to leave - at exactly the time I should have been starting my first co-op class.
That circus of an appointment cleared me to do the Clomid challenge test (a test to determine appropriate medication dosages for IVF). After five days on a high dose of Clomid (who knows what that has done to me, since I come close to overstimming on the lowest dose of Clomid!), I revisited the clinic for bloodwork. As I settled into the chair and rolled up my sleeve, the nurse (different than the previous one) said, "I have to draw about 6 vials today; do you want to lay down?" I asked what tests were being run. "Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, various antibody screening panels." I told her those had been drawn the previous week. She went back to check my charts and then returned to say there were no records of those tests being done. So it was all done again. Hmph. (I don't have results yet.)
Now I'm supposed to have a e-tegrity test done at the end of this cycle, to examine the enzymes in my endometrial lining. This test is not covered by insurance, so Aaron and I have been debating whether we want it done or not. However, it may be a moot point, because a precondition of the test is that I use OPKs (ovulation predictor kit) and call when the line darkens to indicate my LH surge. I've been testing every morning for the past four days, and the line is getting fainter, not darker. I tend to ovulate early (day 11-13), so I'm guessing the high dose of Clomid caused me to ovulate even earlier. I'll call the clinic later today and see what they want to do if that's the case.
In the meantime, I finally called another doctor yesterday. I had gotten a recommendation from a friend, but I haven't had the time or inclination to go through the hassle of setting up an appointment and getting a new referral. However, when I called this potential new doctor and my insurance company, I found out that my referral is global, not tied to a specific specialist. So I can see any RE I want (in the network) without having a re-issued referral. I can't believe how easy it is! My consultation is set for Oct. 20; I'll find out then if this other doctor will work with our preferences about IVF or not. Please pray that he will!
9.24.2008
national what day?
Carolyn McCulley has a fun post up today.
(She's also written some thoughtful posts recently on politics and the economy.)
(She's also written some thoughtful posts recently on politics and the economy.)
9.19.2008
Fertile People Are Talking about Us Everywhere!
If you're not already following along, Shannon at Rocks In My Dryer has been running a series called, "What I'd Like For You To Know;" as Shannon says, "the idea behind this series is to allow women to share something about a specific life challenge or circumstance, addressing some of the misconceptions and (most importantly) telling us all how we can reach out better."
This week's edition of the series is about infertility, written by a woman who has experienced primary and secondary infertility as well as pregnancy loss.
This week's edition of the series is about infertility, written by a woman who has experienced primary and secondary infertility as well as pregnancy loss.
9.17.2008
A Mother of None on a Mother of Six on a Mother of Five
As an infertile, married woman who works outside the home, I've struggled off and on over the past few years with feeling like a second-class citizen of the church. It's not that the church intentionally belittles me and my position; far from it. But in the rush to uplift the crowd of stay-at-home moms with small children, sometimes those in other seasons of life get unintentionally trampled. In the effort to counteract cultural criticism of stay-at-home moms, the church at large uses superlative language to praise stay-at-home moms that inadvertently leaves those Christian women who aren't in that season, for whatever reason, feeling like they don't measure up, don't matter as much. I know that moms staying home with young children do hard work and need encouragement. I know that the church has a responsibility to minister to that significant population within their bodies. But single women, barren women, elderly women, working women - they all need encouragement, too. So I was very refreshed, a little over a week ago, to read the words of a stay-at-home mother of six on this very topic. She of Amy's Humble Musings has written an insightful post on the issue of a woman's highest calling (it's a response to the selection of Sarah Palin as vice president on the Republican ticket, but it's not a political post). I'd encourage you to read the whole thing, but here's an excerpt:
I am a wife and mother. It is what God has called me to do. However, this is not true for all women. All women should NOT aspire to be a wife and mother. Instead, all women should aspire to present their bodies a living sacrifice to the Lord. God is glorified in us when we are satisfied with His will for our lives. This is why some marry, some stay single, some have children, and some are barren. Glorify God in your present circumstance, the one you are in right now, not in a future marriage that may or may not happen.
Any other gospel that makes the widow, the abandoned, the orphan, the poor, the single, or the barren unable to attain high favor (or a high calling with God, if you will) because of their circumstance is really no good news at all. The Lord is honored by our love and obedience to His Word, not in our ambition to serve in the “highest calling” as a wife and mother one day [emphasis added].
9.11.2008
When Short on Time, Link
Many bloggers have reflected today on the events of seven years ago. I really appreciated this post from GirlTalk (excerpting an article by CJ Mahaney).
9.09.2008
I'm Ready for a Dietary Change. The Bread of Anxious Toil Tastes Stale.
Since I last blogged, I've been baffling plumbers, buying a car, and burdened by busyness. I've been battling anxiety (mostly failing). I'm behind on everything.
But, God provided some space to breathe over the past couple of days. Perhaps soon I can return to regular blogging.
Thanks for bearing with me.
But, God provided some space to breathe over the past couple of days. Perhaps soon I can return to regular blogging.
Thanks for bearing with me.
8.26.2008
In an Attempt Not to Bias Readers, the Doctor Character Doesn't Get Named until the End. Also: Sorry, This is a Long One
Scene: midday Monday at the offices of The Fertility Institute at Posh Hospital; a slightly nervous couple waits to speak about IVF with a doctor they have never met
Doctor: Hi, nice to see you. (shakes hands) So, why hasn't this worked yet?
Andrea: That's what we'd like to know.
Doctor: Well, we can't tell. You're young. All your numbers look great. You've had a number of mature follicles every cycle. Your sperms counts are fine. But IUIs only give a 17-18% chance of pregnancy. IVF, for patients your age, has a 70% success rate. So I really want to push things. I want to increase your dosage and get as many eggs as we can.
Andrea: But...
Doctor: Then I'm going to say we do IVF with ICSI. (spelling it out and speaking slowly while writing on a chart) That's intra... cytoplasmic... sperm... injection...
Andrea: Yes, we know. We've actually done two IVF cycles with ICSI at a previous clinic. (thinking to herself, "It's all in that fat stack of patient records you're holding; have you glanced at those?")
Doctor: Oh. (glancing at papers) I see that.
Andrea: When we did IVF before, we only...
Doctor: (back to the chart he's writing out) So we're going to run a bunch of tests first, to make sure we don't miss anything and we have the best chance of making this work. We'll do a Clomid Challenge Test, to determine the best dose of medications for you. We'll do some bloodwork to check for antibodies that would fight against pregnancy, and for blood-clotting disorders. We'll do one test - and this one isn't covered by insurance - to check for enzymes in your endometrial lining that would support a pregnancy.
Andrea: Okay, all those tests sound fine. But you should know, we don't want to freeze or discard any embryos. We want to fertilize a small number of eggs and transfer all the viable embryos.
(silence)
Doctor: Boy, kids. That really, I mean really lowers your success rates to almost nothing. I mean, I understand, I respect where you're coming from. But if you don't give me any out, I can only let you fertilize three eggs. What if they all fertilize? Three embryos is the most I'd be comfortable to transfer, and I can't take the risk of you having more than that.
Andrea: Well, when we talked about all this with Dr. Owlish, he told us that only one out of every five eggs has the genetic material to turn into a viable pregnancy. So he suggested we fertilize 6-8 eggs.
Doctor: Hmm, Dr. Owlish is usually more conservative than me. I can't let you do more than three. What if we end up with four embryos, and you have quadruplets? They'd probably have all sorts of disabilities. They wouldn't be able to take care of themselves, you wouldn't be able to train them. I would haunt you for the rest of your lives. Your lives would be a living hell.
Aaron & Andrea: ... Um, we know the concerns, but our history...
Doctor: I know my numbers. I can't do more than three.
Andrea: Look, we don't want high order multiples, either. But we fertilized four eggs at our previous clinic, and we only ended up with two embryos for a day 3 transfer for our first cycle, and one embryos that barely made it to blasocyst for a day 6 transfer for our second cycle. So doesn't that show...
Doctor: I know my numbers. We're better than your previous clinic. We have much higher pregnancy rates.
Aaron: But doesn't our track record have an influence?
Doctor: Every cycle is different. I know my numbers.
Andrea: So why, if we know fertilizing four of our eggs in the past did not result in four embryos to transfer, would it be different here?
Doctor: Better eggs. Better lab.
Andrea: Well, have you worked with patients who only fertilized three eggs before? What were the results?
Doctor: It runs the gamut. Some end up pregnant. Some don't make it to transfer. We don't have many patients who restrict us this way. I respect your position, but you have to respect that I know my numbers. I can't do more than three. You might be able to find another doctor in this area that would work with you, that would let you fertilize more eggs, but they don't have the success rates that I do. I'm sorry, kids; I know this isn't what you want to hear.
Andrea: (this is going nowhere; let's change the subject) So, we run all these tests during one cycle?
Doctor: Yes. (standing up to leave) So call on day one and we'll get you started.
Aaron & Andrea: Wait! Dr. Owlish also suggested donor embryos?
Doctor: Hmm, that's really rare. Nobody wants to do that.
Aaron & Andrea: more questions...
Doctor: more non-answers... Good luck! (exit)
(end scene)
So, how do you interpret the conversation? We were less than pleased. Whether he's right or wrong about the number of eggs we should fertilize (and I'm inclined to think he's wrong, because we know what happened with four eggs fertilized), he is not the kind of doctor I feel comfortable working with. Though this was the first time we met, he didn't do any introductions and he never addressed us by name. He didn't really listen to anything we said, and he seems far more concerned with his precious numbers than with the individual patients sitting in front of him. I'm trying, with mixed success, not to be angry at this doctor. I'm glad that my confidence is not in doctors but in God, who does hear me. Our plan, at this point, is to go ahead with all the tests (doesn't hurt to gather more information) while researching other doctors in the area and considering our next steps.
Oh, and I think the blog nickname for this particular medical professional will be Dr. Ego.
Doctor: Hi, nice to see you. (shakes hands) So, why hasn't this worked yet?
Andrea: That's what we'd like to know.
Doctor: Well, we can't tell. You're young. All your numbers look great. You've had a number of mature follicles every cycle. Your sperms counts are fine. But IUIs only give a 17-18% chance of pregnancy. IVF, for patients your age, has a 70% success rate. So I really want to push things. I want to increase your dosage and get as many eggs as we can.
Andrea: But...
Doctor: Then I'm going to say we do IVF with ICSI. (spelling it out and speaking slowly while writing on a chart) That's intra... cytoplasmic... sperm... injection...
Andrea: Yes, we know. We've actually done two IVF cycles with ICSI at a previous clinic. (thinking to herself, "It's all in that fat stack of patient records you're holding; have you glanced at those?")
Doctor: Oh. (glancing at papers) I see that.
Andrea: When we did IVF before, we only...
Doctor: (back to the chart he's writing out) So we're going to run a bunch of tests first, to make sure we don't miss anything and we have the best chance of making this work. We'll do a Clomid Challenge Test, to determine the best dose of medications for you. We'll do some bloodwork to check for antibodies that would fight against pregnancy, and for blood-clotting disorders. We'll do one test - and this one isn't covered by insurance - to check for enzymes in your endometrial lining that would support a pregnancy.
Andrea: Okay, all those tests sound fine. But you should know, we don't want to freeze or discard any embryos. We want to fertilize a small number of eggs and transfer all the viable embryos.
(silence)
Doctor: Boy, kids. That really, I mean really lowers your success rates to almost nothing. I mean, I understand, I respect where you're coming from. But if you don't give me any out, I can only let you fertilize three eggs. What if they all fertilize? Three embryos is the most I'd be comfortable to transfer, and I can't take the risk of you having more than that.
Andrea: Well, when we talked about all this with Dr. Owlish, he told us that only one out of every five eggs has the genetic material to turn into a viable pregnancy. So he suggested we fertilize 6-8 eggs.
Doctor: Hmm, Dr. Owlish is usually more conservative than me. I can't let you do more than three. What if we end up with four embryos, and you have quadruplets? They'd probably have all sorts of disabilities. They wouldn't be able to take care of themselves, you wouldn't be able to train them. I would haunt you for the rest of your lives. Your lives would be a living hell.
Aaron & Andrea: ... Um, we know the concerns, but our history...
Doctor: I know my numbers. I can't do more than three.
Andrea: Look, we don't want high order multiples, either. But we fertilized four eggs at our previous clinic, and we only ended up with two embryos for a day 3 transfer for our first cycle, and one embryos that barely made it to blasocyst for a day 6 transfer for our second cycle. So doesn't that show...
Doctor: I know my numbers. We're better than your previous clinic. We have much higher pregnancy rates.
Aaron: But doesn't our track record have an influence?
Doctor: Every cycle is different. I know my numbers.
Andrea: So why, if we know fertilizing four of our eggs in the past did not result in four embryos to transfer, would it be different here?
Doctor: Better eggs. Better lab.
Andrea: Well, have you worked with patients who only fertilized three eggs before? What were the results?
Doctor: It runs the gamut. Some end up pregnant. Some don't make it to transfer. We don't have many patients who restrict us this way. I respect your position, but you have to respect that I know my numbers. I can't do more than three. You might be able to find another doctor in this area that would work with you, that would let you fertilize more eggs, but they don't have the success rates that I do. I'm sorry, kids; I know this isn't what you want to hear.
Andrea: (this is going nowhere; let's change the subject) So, we run all these tests during one cycle?
Doctor: Yes. (standing up to leave) So call on day one and we'll get you started.
Aaron & Andrea: Wait! Dr. Owlish also suggested donor embryos?
Doctor: Hmm, that's really rare. Nobody wants to do that.
Aaron & Andrea: more questions...
Doctor: more non-answers... Good luck! (exit)
(end scene)
So, how do you interpret the conversation? We were less than pleased. Whether he's right or wrong about the number of eggs we should fertilize (and I'm inclined to think he's wrong, because we know what happened with four eggs fertilized), he is not the kind of doctor I feel comfortable working with. Though this was the first time we met, he didn't do any introductions and he never addressed us by name. He didn't really listen to anything we said, and he seems far more concerned with his precious numbers than with the individual patients sitting in front of him. I'm trying, with mixed success, not to be angry at this doctor. I'm glad that my confidence is not in doctors but in God, who does hear me. Our plan, at this point, is to go ahead with all the tests (doesn't hurt to gather more information) while researching other doctors in the area and considering our next steps.
Oh, and I think the blog nickname for this particular medical professional will be Dr. Ego.
8.22.2008
31 Words
I was tagged by Mustard Seed Baby for this post. The rules state that I should answer each question with one word. I might cheat by hyphenating some!
1. Where is your cell phone? windowsill
2. Your significant other? charming
3. Your hair? wavy
4. Your mother? Dutch
5. Your father? Dutch
6. Your favorite thing? books
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? properly-prepared-tea
9. Your dream/goal? heaven
10. The room you're in? home-office
11. Your hobby? blogging!
12. Your fear? chidlessness
13. Where to you want to be in six years? here
14. What you're not? extroverted
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? this
17. Where you grew up? everywhere
18. The last thing you did? laundry
19. What are you wearing? skirt
20. Favorite gadget? immersion-blender
21. Your pet? none
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your mood? weekend-ready
24. Missing someone? Wacoans
25. Your car? Ion
26. Something you are not wearing? socks
27. Favorite store? Ann-Taylor-Loft
28. Like someone? Michael Kitchen
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? July?
Consider yourself tagged if you read this and want to give it a try. Happy weekend!
1. Where is your cell phone? windowsill
2. Your significant other? charming
3. Your hair? wavy
4. Your mother? Dutch
5. Your father? Dutch
6. Your favorite thing? books
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? properly-prepared-tea
9. Your dream/goal? heaven
10. The room you're in? home-office
11. Your hobby? blogging!
12. Your fear? chidlessness
13. Where to you want to be in six years? here
14. What you're not? extroverted
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? this
17. Where you grew up? everywhere
18. The last thing you did? laundry
19. What are you wearing? skirt
20. Favorite gadget? immersion-blender
21. Your pet? none
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your mood? weekend-ready
24. Missing someone? Wacoans
25. Your car? Ion
26. Something you are not wearing? socks
27. Favorite store? Ann-Taylor-Loft
28. Like someone? Michael Kitchen
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When is the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? July?
Consider yourself tagged if you read this and want to give it a try. Happy weekend!
8.21.2008
He Knows. He's Good.
"...then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials..." (2 Peter 2:9)
I read that verse on Monday morning, before going in for my beta but knowing the results would likely be negative. That phrase, "then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials," is one full of implicit questions and answers about suffering.
When faced with affliction, most of us wrestle with challenging questions. Why has God let this happen? Why won't God stop this, take this pain away? Can God control the sorrow that batters me? If he can but doesn't, can I trust him?
We need, I need, to hold tightly to two handles. The first handle is God's sovereignty, his powerful ability to control all things in heaven and on earth. Nothing happens apart from his decision. The second handle is God's goodness. Many of us only have a grip on that second handle. I think that, within contemporary Christianity at least, the most common answer to questions about suffering is that God is good and loving and would put an end to all our problems if he could, but, well, he's just not strong enough to do that. I understand how alluring that seeming solution is, but that? Isn't God. And it's ultimately a sloppy sop of comfort. If God is powerful but not good, we're all in trouble. If God is kindly but impotent, our trials are hopeless. But, praise him, he is both! He is King, and he is Love. When I suffer, I have to hang on to both handles of God's sovereignty and goodness, dangling in the paradox of the space between them, mid-air in affliction but sure of the One to whom my soul clings.
The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials. I am not stuck in the maze of infertility, following a God who doesn't know the way, can't see around the walls, and keeps running into dead ends. He knows how to get me out. He hasn't yet, but that's not because he takes sadistic pleasure in watching me scurry from bend to bend, corner to corner. It's because he knows the best way to rescue me. That way may be longer and have more twists than I would like, but the path that looks quickest and easiest to me would get me lost. He made the maze, and he'll lead me through it and out of it. He knows how to rescue me, and at just the right time, he will. He is a proven, wise, compassionate rescuer.
The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials. He knows, and he's putting that knowledge to good use.
I read that verse on Monday morning, before going in for my beta but knowing the results would likely be negative. That phrase, "then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials," is one full of implicit questions and answers about suffering.
When faced with affliction, most of us wrestle with challenging questions. Why has God let this happen? Why won't God stop this, take this pain away? Can God control the sorrow that batters me? If he can but doesn't, can I trust him?
We need, I need, to hold tightly to two handles. The first handle is God's sovereignty, his powerful ability to control all things in heaven and on earth. Nothing happens apart from his decision. The second handle is God's goodness. Many of us only have a grip on that second handle. I think that, within contemporary Christianity at least, the most common answer to questions about suffering is that God is good and loving and would put an end to all our problems if he could, but, well, he's just not strong enough to do that. I understand how alluring that seeming solution is, but that? Isn't God. And it's ultimately a sloppy sop of comfort. If God is powerful but not good, we're all in trouble. If God is kindly but impotent, our trials are hopeless. But, praise him, he is both! He is King, and he is Love. When I suffer, I have to hang on to both handles of God's sovereignty and goodness, dangling in the paradox of the space between them, mid-air in affliction but sure of the One to whom my soul clings.
The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials. I am not stuck in the maze of infertility, following a God who doesn't know the way, can't see around the walls, and keeps running into dead ends. He knows how to get me out. He hasn't yet, but that's not because he takes sadistic pleasure in watching me scurry from bend to bend, corner to corner. It's because he knows the best way to rescue me. That way may be longer and have more twists than I would like, but the path that looks quickest and easiest to me would get me lost. He made the maze, and he'll lead me through it and out of it. He knows how to rescue me, and at just the right time, he will. He is a proven, wise, compassionate rescuer.
The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials. He knows, and he's putting that knowledge to good use.
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