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12.20.2008

Hiatus

Merry Christmas!

We leave today to spend a week in West Virginia with Aaron's family. I'll be taking a break from the series on battling bitterness while we're gone, but I'll resume when we get back home.

12.15.2008

Battling Bitterness, Part 5

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful (Col. 3:12-15).

Knowing that I am forgiven and chosen in love by God to be holy, I can seek to replace my bitter tendencies with other practices, as this passage in Colossians instructs. I can put on a compassionate heart that recognizes the struggles and challenges of those who tempt me to bitterness. I can consider how to show kindness toward those people, thinking of small or large acts that could bless them. I can cultivate humility, instead of the pride that is so quick to take offense because I think I deserve better treatment. I can respond with meekness, a quiet trust in God instead of a brazen assertion of my rights. I can exhibit patience, graciously enduring the failings of others because I know that I too fall short. It's helped me to take time to think of each of these traits and how I can apply them to each specific relationship where I struggle. How can I show compassion to this person? How can I be kind to that person?

All of the above - compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience - I can fool myself into thinking I can behave in those ways self-sufficiently. But the call in the latter part of the passage confronts me with my need for the Spirit to do a dramatic work in my heart. Compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience are worthless without love. It often feels impossible to truly love those against whom I have been cherishing bitterness. I have to cry out to God to give me love for those people. But my blood-bought peace with Christ calls me to the peace of Christ with others. And when that peace rules in my heart, when I am held in sway by the gospel, then I have the best source of love. These abstract (but not inconsequential!) thoughts get teeth in the last snippet of the passage: And be thankful. If, rather than rehearsing bitter complaints against certain individuals, I thank God for those people and even try to thank the people themselves for whatever I can, I will grow in love for them. Purposing to be grateful forces me to look for the good in people, which will weaken bitterness and water the seed of love.

12.09.2008

Battling Bitterness, Part 4

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful (Col. 3:12-15).

Bearing in mind the awesome blessing of being God's holy, chosen beloved, let's move on through this passage. The next part that really affected my thinking about bitterness was this: "if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other." Notice what it doesn't say. It doesn't say, "If you think you have a complaint against another, just pretend it doesn't exist and ignore your wounds." It also doesn't say, "If you have a complaint against someone, forgive him when he has appropriately received punishment and groveled in repentance." God doesn't ask us to overlook injustice; we can acknowledge the fact that people do wrong us. But God doesn't want us to whine about, to take revenge on, or to hold a grudge against those who offend. He wants us to forgive freely and unconditionally. How is that possible? When someone hurts me in small ways over and over again, or when someone commits a staggering betrayal of me, where do I find the ability to forgive? "As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." The Lord forgave me freely and unconditionally. "While we were still weak, Christ died for the ungodly ... while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom. 5:6,8). God didn't wait until I acknowledged him, until I got my act together and did the right things. No, when I was ignorant of the wrongs I had done to him, when I was willfully choosing sin, when I was offending and mocking him, he forgave me sacrificially and completely. And that's the kind of forgiveness he calls me to extend to people who injure me.

12.08.2008

Battling Bitterness, Part 3

So now I knew where I stood. I was cherishing bitterness because I was functionally ignoring God's forgiveness and love. And I knew where I wanted to get. I wanted to revel in the gospel so deeply that I couldn't help but leave bitterness behind. I wanted grace instead of grudges. How would I get from Point A to Point B?

In the footnotes of that section of A Gospel Primer, the author referenced three Scripture passages that would become my route to renewal.


One of those passages came from Colossians 3 (more on the other two passages in a future post). I ended up spending some time over several weeks meditating on and memorizing the following verses:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful (Col. 3:12-15).

Before launching into application of these words, I found in them a reminder to stop and dwell in the astonishing mercy of God. There are seven words that at first glance seem like an inconsequential clause, a phrase to gloss over as you get to the business of the instructions at hand. But these seven words are the primary business, the basis of everything else in the passage. I was arrested by these seven words: "as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved." God chose me to be his own before he even created the world (see Eph. 1:3-4). I am holy in Christ, and his Spirit sanctifies me. The Lord loves me, not because I am lovely or lovable, but because he has a great passion to claim sinners. Knowing that Jesus died to make me chosen, holy, and beloved, how much easier is it to put aside bitterness and love others?!

I'll stop there for now, but I'll share more of my meditations on Col. 3:12-15 soon.

12.04.2008

Battling Bitterness, Part 2

As I first sat down to consider how I could put off bitterness and put on love, I didn't know quite where to begin. Having just gotten the book A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent, I decided to thumb through it and see if anything pertained to my struggles. From a section entitled "Stimulated to Love Others," I read the following:

When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me.
Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me (emphasis mine).

In my bitterness, I was far from desiring to give grace to those who wronged me. I wanted to give the silent treatment, or sarcastic cutting remarks, or a stern lecture. To really defeat bitterness, I needed not simply to resist making those remarks or turning a cold shoulder. I needed a complete change of attitude. What could make that change? I needed to spend time reminding myself of the gracious, forgiving love God has shown to me. I wronged him, sinning against him in pride, in selfishness; how did he respond? He did not shut himself off from me, roll his eyes at me, speak or act harshly to me. No, he sacrificed himself, so that I could be his friend rather than his enemy. When I revel in being forgiven and loved in Christ, then I will actually want to forgive and love others.

So now I knew where I stood. I was cherishing bitterness because I was functionally ignoring God's forgiveness and love. And I knew where I wanted to get. I wanted to revel in the gospel so deeply that I couldn't help but leave bitterness behind. I wanted grace instead of grudges. How would I get from Point A to Point B?

In the footnotes of that section of A Gospel Primer, the author referenced three Scripture passages that would become my route to renewal. I'll address those next...

12.03.2008

Battling Bitterness

Earlier this fall, I began to recognize some bitterness in some of my relationships. When particular people committed petty offenses against me, I would react out of proportion. As I sought to understand my responses, I saw that I was beginning to hold grudges, to keep a record of wrongs. Each slight dredged up resentment over any time that individual had acted inconsiderately or sinned against me in the past (at least according to my perception). I didn't want to forgive; I wanted to act in a way that punished the people who had hurt me. Thankfully, God opened up my eyes to this pattern of bitterness. Then, he provided time for a spiritual retreat, during which Aaron suggested that I focus on how I could grow in love for those toward whom I was tempted to be bitter. It's been a fruitful study, although I still need to pursue growth here. I'd like to take a few posts to share some of the ways I've sought to renew my mind, in case that would be a timely help to any of you. Coming tomorrow (Lord willing): the quote that kicked off my battle against bitterness...