When I called Aaron last Thursday to report the heartbreaking news of our negative pregnancy test, he suggested that I take the rest of the afternoon off from work and spend some time crying out to God. He specifically encouraged me to read a few pertinent sections from A Gospel Primer. As I sat on our front porch and wept in weariness of getting bad news again and again, I read the following through my tears:
"[T]he gospel is the one great permanent circumstance in which I live and move; and every hardship in my life is allowed by God only because it serves His gospel purposes in me. When I view my circumstances in this light, I realize that the gospel is not just one piece of good news that fits into my life somewhere among all the bad. I realize instead that the gospel makes genuinely good news out of every other aspect of my life, including my severest trials. The good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ" (p. 31-32, emphasis mine).
It's challenging to cling to the good news of the gospel when the bad news feels so very bad. I don't think I'll ever fully understand, in this life, how the trial of infertility is being made good in God's hands. But I trust, even as my eyes are dimmed by tears, that it is so. I trust that the precious news that my Savior has given me all of himself, that I am his and that he won't let me go - that good news will be my everlasting story and song.
Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
6.18.2009
12.04.2008
Battling Bitterness, Part 2
As I first sat down to consider how I could put off bitterness and put on love, I didn't know quite where to begin. Having just gotten the book A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent, I decided to thumb through it and see if anything pertained to my struggles. From a section entitled "Stimulated to Love Others," I read the following:
When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me.
Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me (emphasis mine).
In my bitterness, I was far from desiring to give grace to those who wronged me. I wanted to give the silent treatment, or sarcastic cutting remarks, or a stern lecture. To really defeat bitterness, I needed not simply to resist making those remarks or turning a cold shoulder. I needed a complete change of attitude. What could make that change? I needed to spend time reminding myself of the gracious, forgiving love God has shown to me. I wronged him, sinning against him in pride, in selfishness; how did he respond? He did not shut himself off from me, roll his eyes at me, speak or act harshly to me. No, he sacrificed himself, so that I could be his friend rather than his enemy. When I revel in being forgiven and loved in Christ, then I will actually want to forgive and love others.
So now I knew where I stood. I was cherishing bitterness because I was functionally ignoring God's forgiveness and love. And I knew where I wanted to get. I wanted to revel in the gospel so deeply that I couldn't help but leave bitterness behind. I wanted grace instead of grudges. How would I get from Point A to Point B?
In the footnotes of that section of A Gospel Primer, the author referenced three Scripture passages that would become my route to renewal. I'll address those next...
When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me.
Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me (emphasis mine).
In my bitterness, I was far from desiring to give grace to those who wronged me. I wanted to give the silent treatment, or sarcastic cutting remarks, or a stern lecture. To really defeat bitterness, I needed not simply to resist making those remarks or turning a cold shoulder. I needed a complete change of attitude. What could make that change? I needed to spend time reminding myself of the gracious, forgiving love God has shown to me. I wronged him, sinning against him in pride, in selfishness; how did he respond? He did not shut himself off from me, roll his eyes at me, speak or act harshly to me. No, he sacrificed himself, so that I could be his friend rather than his enemy. When I revel in being forgiven and loved in Christ, then I will actually want to forgive and love others.
So now I knew where I stood. I was cherishing bitterness because I was functionally ignoring God's forgiveness and love. And I knew where I wanted to get. I wanted to revel in the gospel so deeply that I couldn't help but leave bitterness behind. I wanted grace instead of grudges. How would I get from Point A to Point B?
In the footnotes of that section of A Gospel Primer, the author referenced three Scripture passages that would become my route to renewal. I'll address those next...
11.26.2008
Thanksgiving
We're hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, and preparations are chugging along. Plan menu? Check. Buy groceries? Check. Mix up bring for the turkey? Check. Since I know I'll be busy in the kitchen for most of the day tomorrow, I thought I'd post this meditation on thankfulness today. I read it yesterday in A Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent.
The more absorbed I am in the gospel, the more grateful I become in the midst of my circumstances, whatever they may be.
Viewing life's blessings as water in a drinking cup, I know that I could discontentedly focus on the half of the cup that seems empty, or I could gratefully focus on the half that is full. Certainly, the latter approach is the better of the two, yet the gospel cultivates within me a richer gratitude than this.
The gospel reminds me first that what I actually deserve from God is a full cup churning with the torments of His wrath. This is the cup that would be mine to drink if I were given what I deserve each day. With this understanding in mind, I see that to be handed a completely empty cup from God would be cause enough for infinite gratitude. If there were merely the tiniest drop of blessing contained in that otherwise empty cup, I should be blown away by the unbelievable kindness of God toward me. That God, in fact, has give me a cup that is full of "every spiritual blessing in Christ," and this without the slightest admixture of wrath, leaves me truly dumbfounded with inexpressible joy. As for my specific earthly circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve.
When I look at any circumstance that God apportions me, I am first grateful for the wrath I am not receiving in that moment (The empty part of the cup never looked so good!). Second, I am grateful for the blessings that are given to me instead of His wrath. (Life's blessings, however small, always appear exceedingly precious when viewed against the backdrop of the wrath I deserve.) This two-layered gratitude disposed my heart to give thanks in all things and it also lends a certain intensity to my giving of thanks. Such a gospel-generated gratitude glorifies God, contributes to peace of mind, and keeps my foot from the path of foolishness and ruin.
I pray that you all have a gospel-generated intensity as you give thanks this holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!
Thankfulness Enriched by Relief
The more absorbed I am in the gospel, the more grateful I become in the midst of my circumstances, whatever they may be.
Viewing life's blessings as water in a drinking cup, I know that I could discontentedly focus on the half of the cup that seems empty, or I could gratefully focus on the half that is full. Certainly, the latter approach is the better of the two, yet the gospel cultivates within me a richer gratitude than this.
The gospel reminds me first that what I actually deserve from God is a full cup churning with the torments of His wrath. This is the cup that would be mine to drink if I were given what I deserve each day. With this understanding in mind, I see that to be handed a completely empty cup from God would be cause enough for infinite gratitude. If there were merely the tiniest drop of blessing contained in that otherwise empty cup, I should be blown away by the unbelievable kindness of God toward me. That God, in fact, has give me a cup that is full of "every spiritual blessing in Christ," and this without the slightest admixture of wrath, leaves me truly dumbfounded with inexpressible joy. As for my specific earthly circumstances of plenty or want, I can see them always as infinite improvements on the hell I deserve.
When I look at any circumstance that God apportions me, I am first grateful for the wrath I am not receiving in that moment (The empty part of the cup never looked so good!). Second, I am grateful for the blessings that are given to me instead of His wrath. (Life's blessings, however small, always appear exceedingly precious when viewed against the backdrop of the wrath I deserve.) This two-layered gratitude disposed my heart to give thanks in all things and it also lends a certain intensity to my giving of thanks. Such a gospel-generated gratitude glorifies God, contributes to peace of mind, and keeps my foot from the path of foolishness and ruin.
I pray that you all have a gospel-generated intensity as you give thanks this holiday! Happy Thanksgiving!
3.05.2008
Hope Quotes
While preparing my heart for the laparoscopy (from which I really did not expect good results), I listened to a message by Janis Shank entitled "Hope Is a Verb: Biblical Hope" (HT GirlTalk). I highly recommend this outstanding message on the life of Sarah, which offers weapons to battle fear and wisdom to refocus our hope on God's purposes. Janis also littered the message with high-impact quotes. Here are a few favorites:
"To hope means to look forward expectantly for God's future activity. The ground of hope is God's past activity in Jesus Christ, who points the way to God's purposes for his creation." New Dictionary of Theology
"In the case of every child of God, calamity never comes alone; it invariably brings Jesus with it." Octavius Winslow
"Has your wishful hope been converted at the foot of the cross to true hope?" Elisabeth Elliot
My laparoscopy brought Jesus with it. It also brought good news, so that my temptation to fear has been replaced with a temptation to rely on the wishful hope of getting pregnant soon. I want that wish to become reality, but I want to keep my true hope grounded in God's past activity in Jesus Christ.
"To hope means to look forward expectantly for God's future activity. The ground of hope is God's past activity in Jesus Christ, who points the way to God's purposes for his creation." New Dictionary of Theology
"In the case of every child of God, calamity never comes alone; it invariably brings Jesus with it." Octavius Winslow
"Has your wishful hope been converted at the foot of the cross to true hope?" Elisabeth Elliot
My laparoscopy brought Jesus with it. It also brought good news, so that my temptation to fear has been replaced with a temptation to rely on the wishful hope of getting pregnant soon. I want that wish to become reality, but I want to keep my true hope grounded in God's past activity in Jesus Christ.
12.27.2007
From the Squalor of a Borrowed Stable
From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled with the praise of heav’n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel
King of Heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father’s hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man.
Yes, He walked my road and he felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps give me hope again –
I will follow my Immanuel!
Through the kisses of a friend’s betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world’s transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost.
He fights for breath, He fights for me,
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout our souls are free –
Death defeated by Immanuel!
Now He’s standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls to bring them home!
Then the skies will part as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run to her Lover’s arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!
(Stuart Townend, 1999)
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled with the praise of heav’n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel
King of Heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father’s hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man.
Yes, He walked my road and he felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps give me hope again –
I will follow my Immanuel!
Through the kisses of a friend’s betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world’s transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost.
He fights for breath, He fights for me,
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout our souls are free –
Death defeated by Immanuel!
Now He’s standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls to bring them home!
Then the skies will part as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run to her Lover’s arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!
(Stuart Townend, 1999)
12.26.2007
In the Bleak Midwinter
In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.
Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty,
Jesus Christ.
Enough for Him, whom cherubim
Worship night and day,
A breastful of milk
And a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels
Fall down before,
The ox and ass and camel
Which adore.
Angels and archangels
May have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim
Thronged the air,
But only His mother
In her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the Beloved
With a kiss.
What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man
I would do my part,
Yet what I can I give Him,
Give my heart.
(Christina Rossetti, 1872)
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.
Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty,
Jesus Christ.
Enough for Him, whom cherubim
Worship night and day,
A breastful of milk
And a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels
Fall down before,
The ox and ass and camel
Which adore.
Angels and archangels
May have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim
Thronged the air,
But only His mother
In her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the Beloved
With a kiss.
What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man
I would do my part,
Yet what I can I give Him,
Give my heart.
(Christina Rossetti, 1872)
12.24.2007
The Gift of Gifts
O source of all good,
what shall I render to thee for the gift of gifts,
thine own dear Son, begotten, not created,
my redeemer, proxy, surety, substitute,
his self-emptying incomprehensible,
his infinity of love beyond the heart’s grasp.
Herein is wonder of wonders:
he came below to raise me above,
was born like me that I might become like him.
Herein is love;
when I cannot rise to him
he draws near on wings of grace,
to raise me to himself.
Herein is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart
he united them in indissoluble unity,
the uncreate and the created.
Herein is wisdom;
when I was undone,
with no will to return to him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
he came, God-incarnate,
to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me.
O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds,
and enlarge my mind;
let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and hearing, believe, rejoice, praise, adore,
my conscience bathed in an ocean of repose,
my eyes uplifted to a reconciled Father;
place me with ox, ass, camel, goat,
to look with them upon my redeemer’s face
and in him account myself delivered from sin;
let me with Simeon clasp the new-born child to my heart,
embrace him with undying faith,
exulting that he is mine and I am his.
In him thou hast given me so much that heaven can give no more.
(The Valley of Vision)
what shall I render to thee for the gift of gifts,
thine own dear Son, begotten, not created,
my redeemer, proxy, surety, substitute,
his self-emptying incomprehensible,
his infinity of love beyond the heart’s grasp.
Herein is wonder of wonders:
he came below to raise me above,
was born like me that I might become like him.
Herein is love;
when I cannot rise to him
he draws near on wings of grace,
to raise me to himself.
Herein is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart
he united them in indissoluble unity,
the uncreate and the created.
Herein is wisdom;
when I was undone,
with no will to return to him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
he came, God-incarnate,
to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me.
O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds,
and enlarge my mind;
let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and hearing, believe, rejoice, praise, adore,
my conscience bathed in an ocean of repose,
my eyes uplifted to a reconciled Father;
place me with ox, ass, camel, goat,
to look with them upon my redeemer’s face
and in him account myself delivered from sin;
let me with Simeon clasp the new-born child to my heart,
embrace him with undying faith,
exulting that he is mine and I am his.
In him thou hast given me so much that heaven can give no more.
(The Valley of Vision)
11.22.2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
O my God,
Thou fairest, greatest, first of all objects,
my heart admires, adores, loves thee,
for my little vessel is as full as it can be,
and I would pour out all that fullness before thee
in ceaseless flow.
When I think upon and converse with thee
ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,
ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed,
ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,
crowding into every moment of happiness.
I bless thee for the soul thou hast created,
for adorning it, sanctifying it,
though it is fixed in barren soil;
for the body thou hast given me,
for preserving its strength and vigour,
for providing senses to enjoy delights,
for the ease and freedom of my limbs,
for hands, eyes, ears that do thy bidding;
for thy royal bounty providing my daily support,
for a full table and overflowing cup,
for appetite, taste, sweetness,
for social joys of relatives and friends,
for ability to serve others,
for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,
for a mind to care for my fellow-men,
for opportunities of spreading happiness around,
for loved ones in the joys of heaven,
for my own expectation of seeing thee clearly.
I love thee above the powers of language to express,
for what thou art to thy creatures.
Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.
"Praise and Thanksgiving" from The Valley of Vision
Thou fairest, greatest, first of all objects,
my heart admires, adores, loves thee,
for my little vessel is as full as it can be,
and I would pour out all that fullness before thee
in ceaseless flow.
When I think upon and converse with thee
ten thousand delightful thoughts spring up,
ten thousand sources of pleasure are unsealed,
ten thousand refreshing joys spread over my heart,
crowding into every moment of happiness.
I bless thee for the soul thou hast created,
for adorning it, sanctifying it,
though it is fixed in barren soil;
for the body thou hast given me,
for preserving its strength and vigour,
for providing senses to enjoy delights,
for the ease and freedom of my limbs,
for hands, eyes, ears that do thy bidding;
for thy royal bounty providing my daily support,
for a full table and overflowing cup,
for appetite, taste, sweetness,
for social joys of relatives and friends,
for ability to serve others,
for a heart that feels sorrows and necessities,
for a mind to care for my fellow-men,
for opportunities of spreading happiness around,
for loved ones in the joys of heaven,
for my own expectation of seeing thee clearly.
I love thee above the powers of language to express,
for what thou art to thy creatures.
Increase my love, O my God, through time and eternity.
"Praise and Thanksgiving" from The Valley of Vision
11.12.2007
1,822 Days Ago
This Friday, Aaron and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary.
We began dating on February 3, 2001. Although we both had imagined a spouse quite different than the other, we fell in love quickly and completely. During our courtship, we read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese together. Sonnet XXVI became "our" poem; a handwritten copy sits in a frame on our bedside table.
This week, I want to revel in God's best earthly gift to me - my beloved husband and a marriage that surpasses any youthful daydream.
We began dating on February 3, 2001. Although we both had imagined a spouse quite different than the other, we fell in love quickly and completely. During our courtship, we read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese together. Sonnet XXVI became "our" poem; a handwritten copy sits in a frame on our bedside table.
I lived with visions for my company,
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, -- their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then THOU didst come...to be,
Beloved, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendours, (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts)
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants --
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.
This week, I want to revel in God's best earthly gift to me - my beloved husband and a marriage that surpasses any youthful daydream.
11.08.2007
Wasted. Or Not.
Thank you all for your kind comments on yesterday's post; your thoughtful words lifted me up. While still bewildered about where to turn next in our efforts to grow a family, I took some comfort in the chapter I "happened" to read this morning in Knowing God by J.I. Packer. (Please bear with the lengthy excerpt.)
I can be plagued by doubts about the choices that led to this point in our infertility. We thought God led us to defer starting our family for a couple years so that I would be able to stay at home; what if those years in our early 20s were our only window to conceive? We thought God led us to pursue specific infertility treatments in a certain way; would we have had a better chance of getting pregnant by eschewing those medical interventions altogether? Everything up to this point may appear like a waste to me right now, but God has guided and he keeps us on his track. How can I fail to trust the Lord Jesus who "wasted" his life to save my soul?
Here is another cause of deep perplexity for Christian people. They have sought guidance and believe it has been given. They have set off along the road which God seemed to indicate. And now, as a direct result, they have run into a crop of new problems which otherwise would not have arisen... At once they grow anxious. Is their own present experience of the rough side of life (they ask themselves) a sign from God that they are off track?
It may be so, and the wise person will take occasion from his new troubles to check his original guidance very carefully. Trouble should always be treated as a call to consider one's ways. But trouble is not necessarily a sign of being off track at all; for as the Bible declares in general that "many are the afflictions of the righteous" (Ps 34:19 KJV), so it teaches in particular that following God's guidance regularly leads to upsets and distresses which one would otherwise have escaped.
[L]ook at the life of the Lord Jesus himself. No human life has ever been so completely guided by God, and no human being has ever qualified so comprehensively for the description "a man of sorrows."
By every human standard of reckoning, the cross was a waste - the waste of a young life, a prophet's influence, a leader's potential. We know the secret of its meaning an achievement only from God's own statements. Similarly, the Christian's guided life may appear as a waste. Nor does God always tell us the why and wherefore of the frustrations and losses which are part and parcel of the guided life (pp. 239-240).
I can be plagued by doubts about the choices that led to this point in our infertility. We thought God led us to defer starting our family for a couple years so that I would be able to stay at home; what if those years in our early 20s were our only window to conceive? We thought God led us to pursue specific infertility treatments in a certain way; would we have had a better chance of getting pregnant by eschewing those medical interventions altogether? Everything up to this point may appear like a waste to me right now, but God has guided and he keeps us on his track. How can I fail to trust the Lord Jesus who "wasted" his life to save my soul?
8.29.2007
Hymns for Hard Times: How Firm a Foundation
(Prior posts in this series:
"Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right"
"The Solid Rock"
"God Moves in a Mysterious Way"
"It Is Well")
This hymn has been my constant companion during this trial of infertility. I sing it to myself regularly, rehearsing the promises of God. His Word is sufficient to give me comfort! He is with me, holding me up when I am weary! He will not let me drown in rivers of sorrow or burn in fiery trials! He will sanctify and refine me through these troubles! He will never desert or forsake me! Most of the text of this hymn is culled directly from Scripture passages, like Isaiah 41 and 43. This is my favorite hymn for hard times, because it tells me just what I need to hear in order to persevere in faith amidst suffering.
"Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right"
"The Solid Rock"
"God Moves in a Mysterious Way"
"It Is Well")
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to You He has said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen and help thee and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake.
This hymn has been my constant companion during this trial of infertility. I sing it to myself regularly, rehearsing the promises of God. His Word is sufficient to give me comfort! He is with me, holding me up when I am weary! He will not let me drown in rivers of sorrow or burn in fiery trials! He will sanctify and refine me through these troubles! He will never desert or forsake me! Most of the text of this hymn is culled directly from Scripture passages, like Isaiah 41 and 43. This is my favorite hymn for hard times, because it tells me just what I need to hear in order to persevere in faith amidst suffering.
8.27.2007
Hymns for Hard Times: It Is Well
(See the prior post in this series here.)
I desire the kind of controlling contentment that this hymn describes, a soul that is at rest whether I am in a time of peace or sorrow. No matter what happens to me, may I find joy in the glorious thought that all of my sin - my anxiety, my complaining, my envy, my fear - has been nailed to the cross of Christ. All other burdens seem weightless when I remember the weight of sin that I no longer have to carry because Jesus carried it to the grave. With that redemption and reconciliation with God, it truly is well with my soul.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul.
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And has shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! -
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
I desire the kind of controlling contentment that this hymn describes, a soul that is at rest whether I am in a time of peace or sorrow. No matter what happens to me, may I find joy in the glorious thought that all of my sin - my anxiety, my complaining, my envy, my fear - has been nailed to the cross of Christ. All other burdens seem weightless when I remember the weight of sin that I no longer have to carry because Jesus carried it to the grave. With that redemption and reconciliation with God, it truly is well with my soul.
8.23.2007
Hymns for Hard Times: God Moves in a Mysterious Way
(See the prior post in this series here.)
I was aware of this moving poem by William Cowper, but it became endeared to me in the trial of infertility through the updated version of the hymn on Sovereign Grace Ministries' Worship God Live album.
The third stanza imparts oft-necessary reminders to me. I am so prone to fear the cloudy circumstances that I can see on my horizon - difficult medical procedures, baby showers, pregnancy announcements, close friends giving birth, and so on. Many times those sorts of things seem truly dreadful to me, and I just want to take cover from the storms of life. But my God promises that he will cause those very things that I want to avoid to somehow bless me with showers of mercy. I can't always wrap my mind around that promise, but I want to grow in trusting its truth.
God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform.
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
I was aware of this moving poem by William Cowper, but it became endeared to me in the trial of infertility through the updated version of the hymn on Sovereign Grace Ministries' Worship God Live album.
The third stanza imparts oft-necessary reminders to me. I am so prone to fear the cloudy circumstances that I can see on my horizon - difficult medical procedures, baby showers, pregnancy announcements, close friends giving birth, and so on. Many times those sorts of things seem truly dreadful to me, and I just want to take cover from the storms of life. But my God promises that he will cause those very things that I want to avoid to somehow bless me with showers of mercy. I can't always wrap my mind around that promise, but I want to grow in trusting its truth.
8.22.2007
Hymns for Hard Times: The Solid Rock
(Here is the first post in this series.)
How often I need the reminders - like this song - that I should not lean on anything else but my Savior! When my hope for children gives way, I need to stand on the Rock of Christ. Even the blessings currently in my life, like my husband, should not be the repository of my trust and happiness. Only Jesus can support the full weight of all my hopes and sorrows and joys.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the 'whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
How often I need the reminders - like this song - that I should not lean on anything else but my Savior! When my hope for children gives way, I need to stand on the Rock of Christ. Even the blessings currently in my life, like my husband, should not be the repository of my trust and happiness. Only Jesus can support the full weight of all my hopes and sorrows and joys.
8.20.2007
Hymns for Hard Times: Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right
Numerous songs have helped to keep my soul from sinking under the trial of infertility. I'll take some time this week to post a few hymns that speak to the topic of suffering.
The following hymn is a new one to me. I was introduced to it by an updated version on the CD In a Little While by father/son team Mark & Stephen Altrogge. Here are the original lyrics:
I love the closing lines of the second stanza; so often I need to remember that God is not rendered impotent by my griefs. He can end these troubles at any time, and he will do so at the best time. My part is to wait patiently, trustingly for his day.
The following hymn is a new one to me. I was introduced to it by an updated version on the CD In a Little While by father/son team Mark & Stephen Altrogge. Here are the original lyrics:
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate'er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall;
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path;
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I'll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers nought to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather;
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.
Whate'er my God ordains is right;
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father's care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all.
I love the closing lines of the second stanza; so often I need to remember that God is not rendered impotent by my griefs. He can end these troubles at any time, and he will do so at the best time. My part is to wait patiently, trustingly for his day.
8.19.2007
Books for Hard Times
Just about anything wise or discerning that I may have to say about suffering graciously comes from one of two places: God's word and godly authors. I can claim plenty of credit for the foolish or whiny things I say that come straight out of my sinful heart. But I can't claim credit for the cumulative effect that God has wrought out of some of the things I've read to help my soul cope with the difficulties of these past few years. So if you've benefited at all - by the grace of God - from what I sometimes write here, you'll benefit even more from the following resources:
How Long, O Lord? by D.A. Carson
This is an excellent book on the theology of suffering. If you are not in the midst of a trial, this books lays an excellent doctrinal foundation for any hard times you may encounter down the road; it will also help you to helpfully counsel any friends who are suffering. If you are in the midst of affliction, the rich truths of this book will bring comfort and clarity even when there are many unanswerable questions about your circumstances.
"I cannot give you all the answers to your 'Why?' But you may draw courage from the fact that the one who loves you so much he died for you asked the same question: 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'"
All Things for Good by Thomas Watson
This little Puritan paperback is a rich mine for the sufferer. While scrutinizing Romans 8:28, Thomas Watson packs every paragraph full of vivid metaphors that impart practical understanding God's promise to work all things for good to those that love him. When you just can't see any good arising out of your circumstances, read this book to find out all the possible ways that God might be at work.
"All things work together for good. This expression 'work together' refers to medicine. Several poisonous ingredients put together, being tempered by the skill of the apothecary, make a sovereign medicine, and work together for the good of the patient. So all God's providences, being divinely tempered and sanctified, work together for the best to the saints."
Beside Still Waters by C.H. Spurgeon
This book collects various writings and sermon excerpts on the topic of suffering from the famed 19th century London preacher. Spurgeon's congregation faced poverty, illness, and death as features of daily life, and he himself struggled with depression. The short, devotional-style entries are arranged by Scripture reference, but there is also an index arranged by topic. If you want simple, brief doses of help for the afflicted soul, pick up this book and read a little.
For a few quotes, see here, here, here, and here.
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, eds. John Piper & Justin Taylor
This book collects articles based on messages given at a Desiring God conference of the same title. I've not read them all, but I'm slowly working my way through the different chapters. The chapter by David Powlison is probably the single best examination of the topic of suffering that I have read. He addresses the comprehensive experience of trial and brings a God-ward focus to bear in a way that is not at all trite. He plumbs the depths of despair and soars to the heights of praise. (If you have a friend who is in a long season of difficulty and you feel like you don't know what to do or say, read this chapter!) It's almost impossible to choose just one quote from this chapter, but here's a small taste:
"The problem is not that we feel troubled by trouble and pained by pain. Something hurtful should hurt. The problem is that God slides away into irrelevance when we obsess over suffering or compulsively avoid it. God inhabits a vague afterthought - weightless and distant in comparison to something immediately pressing. Or, if God-words fill our minds and pour forth from our lips, it's easy to make the "god" we cry out to someone who will magically make everything better if we can only catch his ear.
The real God is up to better things. He says and does weighty and immediate things that engage what you are facing. He pursues purposes that are better than you imagine. He refuses to become your lucky charm who makes all the bad things disappear from your world."
There are a few other resources that deserve mention. The chapter "Responding Humbly to Trials" in C.J. Mahaney's Humility is one I have re-visited a few times. And Pete Greasley's seminar message, "When Crisis Comes," impacted me and stuck with me when I heard it at a conference. (And hey! It looks like the MP3 and outline are being offered for free! Go forth and download!)
I know there are a lot of excellent resources about suffering; these few have shaped how I think and feel about the suffering I have faced, making it a little less incomprehensible and therefore a little easier to endure. Take up and read, and to God be all the glory.
Edited to add: I just saw this review on Challies.com; looks intriguing enough to be the next book on suffering that I read...
How Long, O Lord? by D.A. CarsonThis is an excellent book on the theology of suffering. If you are not in the midst of a trial, this books lays an excellent doctrinal foundation for any hard times you may encounter down the road; it will also help you to helpfully counsel any friends who are suffering. If you are in the midst of affliction, the rich truths of this book will bring comfort and clarity even when there are many unanswerable questions about your circumstances.
"I cannot give you all the answers to your 'Why?' But you may draw courage from the fact that the one who loves you so much he died for you asked the same question: 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'"
All Things for Good by Thomas WatsonThis little Puritan paperback is a rich mine for the sufferer. While scrutinizing Romans 8:28, Thomas Watson packs every paragraph full of vivid metaphors that impart practical understanding God's promise to work all things for good to those that love him. When you just can't see any good arising out of your circumstances, read this book to find out all the possible ways that God might be at work.
"All things work together for good. This expression 'work together' refers to medicine. Several poisonous ingredients put together, being tempered by the skill of the apothecary, make a sovereign medicine, and work together for the good of the patient. So all God's providences, being divinely tempered and sanctified, work together for the best to the saints."
Beside Still Waters by C.H. SpurgeonThis book collects various writings and sermon excerpts on the topic of suffering from the famed 19th century London preacher. Spurgeon's congregation faced poverty, illness, and death as features of daily life, and he himself struggled with depression. The short, devotional-style entries are arranged by Scripture reference, but there is also an index arranged by topic. If you want simple, brief doses of help for the afflicted soul, pick up this book and read a little.
For a few quotes, see here, here, here, and here.
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, eds. John Piper & Justin TaylorThis book collects articles based on messages given at a Desiring God conference of the same title. I've not read them all, but I'm slowly working my way through the different chapters. The chapter by David Powlison is probably the single best examination of the topic of suffering that I have read. He addresses the comprehensive experience of trial and brings a God-ward focus to bear in a way that is not at all trite. He plumbs the depths of despair and soars to the heights of praise. (If you have a friend who is in a long season of difficulty and you feel like you don't know what to do or say, read this chapter!) It's almost impossible to choose just one quote from this chapter, but here's a small taste:
"The problem is not that we feel troubled by trouble and pained by pain. Something hurtful should hurt. The problem is that God slides away into irrelevance when we obsess over suffering or compulsively avoid it. God inhabits a vague afterthought - weightless and distant in comparison to something immediately pressing. Or, if God-words fill our minds and pour forth from our lips, it's easy to make the "god" we cry out to someone who will magically make everything better if we can only catch his ear.
The real God is up to better things. He says and does weighty and immediate things that engage what you are facing. He pursues purposes that are better than you imagine. He refuses to become your lucky charm who makes all the bad things disappear from your world."
There are a few other resources that deserve mention. The chapter "Responding Humbly to Trials" in C.J. Mahaney's Humility is one I have re-visited a few times. And Pete Greasley's seminar message, "When Crisis Comes," impacted me and stuck with me when I heard it at a conference. (And hey! It looks like the MP3 and outline are being offered for free! Go forth and download!)
I know there are a lot of excellent resources about suffering; these few have shaped how I think and feel about the suffering I have faced, making it a little less incomprehensible and therefore a little easier to endure. Take up and read, and to God be all the glory.
Edited to add: I just saw this review on Challies.com; looks intriguing enough to be the next book on suffering that I read...
8.04.2007
To Keep the Casement Open
A friend sent me the following quote after the news of the failure of the 2nd IVF:
There are times when things look very dark to me--so dark that I have to wait even for hope. It is bad enough to wait in hope. A long-deferred fulfillment carries its own pain, but to wait for hope, to see no glimmer of a prospect and yet refuse to despair; to have nothing but night before the casement and yet to keep the casement open for possible stars; to have a vacant place in my heart and yet to allow that place to be filled by no inferior presence--that is the grandest patience in the universe. It is Job in the tempest; it is Abraham on the road to Moriah; it is Moses in the desert of Midian; it is the Son of man in the Garden of Gethsemane.
There is no patience so hard as that which endures, "as seeing him who is invisible"; it is the waiting for hope.
Thou hast made waiting beautiful; Thou has made patience divine. Thou hast taught us that the Father's will may be received just because it is His will. Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own.
Give me this Divine power of Thine, the power of Gethsemane. Give me the power to wait for hope itself, to look out from the casement where there are no stars. Give me the power, when the very joy that was set before me is gone, to stand unconquered amid the night, and say, "To the eye of my Father it is perhaps shining still." I shall reach the climax of strength when I have learned to wait for hope.
-George Matheson
My heart feels the vacancy of children very keenly right now. My windows look out on black skies void of stars. My cup brims with sorrow. But, somehow, I trust that this drink will nourish me; that not one star is missing; that my heart can be full of my Savior though empty of children. I trust, I hold on, I wait for hope.
(Thanks, Charissa.)
There are times when things look very dark to me--so dark that I have to wait even for hope. It is bad enough to wait in hope. A long-deferred fulfillment carries its own pain, but to wait for hope, to see no glimmer of a prospect and yet refuse to despair; to have nothing but night before the casement and yet to keep the casement open for possible stars; to have a vacant place in my heart and yet to allow that place to be filled by no inferior presence--that is the grandest patience in the universe. It is Job in the tempest; it is Abraham on the road to Moriah; it is Moses in the desert of Midian; it is the Son of man in the Garden of Gethsemane.
There is no patience so hard as that which endures, "as seeing him who is invisible"; it is the waiting for hope.
Thou hast made waiting beautiful; Thou has made patience divine. Thou hast taught us that the Father's will may be received just because it is His will. Thou hast revealed to us that a soul may see nothing but sorrow in the cup and yet may refuse to let it go, convinced that the eye of the Father sees further than its own.
Give me this Divine power of Thine, the power of Gethsemane. Give me the power to wait for hope itself, to look out from the casement where there are no stars. Give me the power, when the very joy that was set before me is gone, to stand unconquered amid the night, and say, "To the eye of my Father it is perhaps shining still." I shall reach the climax of strength when I have learned to wait for hope.
-George Matheson
My heart feels the vacancy of children very keenly right now. My windows look out on black skies void of stars. My cup brims with sorrow. But, somehow, I trust that this drink will nourish me; that not one star is missing; that my heart can be full of my Savior though empty of children. I trust, I hold on, I wait for hope.
(Thanks, Charissa.)
7.30.2007
Hope Flutters
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
-Emily Dickinson
My little bird of hope is fluttering its wings desperately against the winds of low expectations for tomorrow's results right now. Oh, Lord, give me true hope, whatever the outcome of this IVF!
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
-Emily Dickinson
My little bird of hope is fluttering its wings desperately against the winds of low expectations for tomorrow's results right now. Oh, Lord, give me true hope, whatever the outcome of this IVF!
5.30.2007
In the Dark
Sadly, the two pinpricks of light and hope have been swallowed up in darkness. I grieve, dear embryos, that you could not live.
It seems that silence and darkness will remain yet longer. The cost is great, but I will keep fighting to trust and worship my Savior and Creator in the midst of sorrow.
If You should speak or should remain in silence
Should give me light or lead me through the dark
Whatever cost, whatever joy or sorrow
I'll worship still, because of who You are.
(Starfield)
It seems that silence and darkness will remain yet longer. The cost is great, but I will keep fighting to trust and worship my Savior and Creator in the midst of sorrow.
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord."
(Job 1:21)
5.22.2007
Trial by Prayer (2)
Many of the thoughts on prayer that I shared in my last post took shape in my mind as I read the chapter on prayer in Wayne Grudem's Bible Doctrine. Here are some notes that I took from the section about unanswered prayers:
- God keeps his wise plans hidden until the time he has decreed. When faced with unanswered prayer, I need to humbly admit that God need not let me know what he is doing.
- Sometimes we do not pray as we ought, because we think one plan is best when God has a better solution.
- When our prayers are unanswered, we join the company of Paul - who prayed for his thorn to be removed from him and it was not - and Jesus - who prayed for the cup of God's wrath to be removed from him and it was not.
- When our prayers go unanswered, we must continue to trust God, casting our cares on him and remembering that his strength is sufficient.
- We must continue to pray. Sometimes a long-awaited answer will suddenly be given, as was the case with Hannah when she at last conceived Samuel.
- Sometimes prayer will remain unanswered in this life or for eternity, but the faith of prayer still brings glory to God.
Words are insufficient to express how grateful I am - we are - to all of you who have earnestly prayed along with us during this season of affliction and waiting. We have especially felt the effect of your prayers in the past week; the encouragement has been tangible. Whatever the answer to our prayers, whatever the outcome of this IVF in particular and of this fight against infertility in general, I take great delight in knowing that all these prayers of faith offered up on our behalf are bringing significant glory to the One who saves.
- God keeps his wise plans hidden until the time he has decreed. When faced with unanswered prayer, I need to humbly admit that God need not let me know what he is doing.
- Sometimes we do not pray as we ought, because we think one plan is best when God has a better solution.
- When our prayers are unanswered, we join the company of Paul - who prayed for his thorn to be removed from him and it was not - and Jesus - who prayed for the cup of God's wrath to be removed from him and it was not.
- When our prayers go unanswered, we must continue to trust God, casting our cares on him and remembering that his strength is sufficient.
- We must continue to pray. Sometimes a long-awaited answer will suddenly be given, as was the case with Hannah when she at last conceived Samuel.
- Sometimes prayer will remain unanswered in this life or for eternity, but the faith of prayer still brings glory to God.
Words are insufficient to express how grateful I am - we are - to all of you who have earnestly prayed along with us during this season of affliction and waiting. We have especially felt the effect of your prayers in the past week; the encouragement has been tangible. Whatever the answer to our prayers, whatever the outcome of this IVF in particular and of this fight against infertility in general, I take great delight in knowing that all these prayers of faith offered up on our behalf are bringing significant glory to the One who saves.
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