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In the Dark

Sadly, the two pinpricks of light and hope have been swallowed up in darkness. I grieve, dear embryos, that you could not live.

If You should speak or should remain in silence
Should give me light or lead me through the dark
Whatever cost, whatever joy or sorrow
I'll worship still, because of who You are.

It seems that silence and darkness will remain yet longer. The cost is great, but I will keep fighting to trust and worship my Savior and Creator in the midst of sorrow.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord."
(Job 1:21)


Anonymous said...

Oh, I am so, so sorry. I had been praying so hard for those little lives. They gave you hope while they were here; perhaps God used them as His vessels to feed you enough hope to sustain you on the rest of your journey to parenthood.

I know this doesn't make you feel ANY better, and normally I hate when people say "well, Iknow someone who ___________" but I thought it was worth mentioning...I know three people who carried babies to term after a second try at IVF, when the first one had failed. Two of them in particular were desolate and broken after the first cycle failed...but then the second cycle worked. I'm not, of course, saying "this is what will happen to YOU"...but the hope is there. I will continue to pray for you.

Denise said...

I'd been thinking, thinking, thinking and praying for you, dear new friend. It's been a busy weekend/day here and I'd been hoping to email before now. I was a little tenuous when you didn't post immediately, fearing what it might mean. You and your husband are in my prayers, I cannot even being to imagine how hard this is. I'm praying Psalm 34 for you tonight.

Me said...

My heart grieves for you and your husband. The loss I know seems unbearable.

You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You, Then my enemies will turn back; This I know, because God is for me. Psalm 56:8-9

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Elaine

Vacant Uterus said...

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

~Ginney Owens (one of my favorite artists)

This my theme song for infertility and other hard things. I thought maybe it would help you, too. I'm so sorry, dear. I was praying so hard that the answer would be yes.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry Andrea. I am praying that your heart would be comforted and that hope will endure.

Michele said...

Grieving with you, my friend. I don't know what else to say.

andrea_jennine said...

Thank you all for your words of comfort and encouragement. They mean so much...

GLouise said...

Oh sweet friend, I am so sorry to hear this. I was holding out so much hope for you and your embies.

Glenna Marshall said...

I don't know you...but your blog was given to me through a friend. I am so sorry for your loss. Although a fellow "sufferer" of infertility, I can only imagine your grief.
You are in my prayers.
Praying that the Lord blesses you with a quiverful soon.