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Meditation on Psalm 31

I wrote this reflection on Psalm 31 in my journal on Wednesday morning, after all of Tuesday's challenges. (It will have more context if you read the Psalm first.)

Lord, rescue me! Under the weight of all of yesterday's disappointments - the low counts for the IUI, the refusal of the seller to do any repairs on the house - help me to take refuge in you. I know you have already delivered me from my sin; now please deliver me from these trials! Hear my pleas! Remove the shame of having all my desires squelched. Help me to trust that you lead and guide me through infertility and home-buying for your name's sake. Help me to hate the sin in my heart that makes children and houses into idols. Remind me that you are not indifferent to my affliction and distress, but you are gracious. When my eyes are tired of crying, when my soul and body are weary of difficulty, when I feel like all I have are sighs and sorrows, remind me that you are a strength for the weak. You are a sympathetic high priest. You have taken the burden of my iniquities; you made this enemy your friend. You are kind, even when I have a hard time seeing it. Help me to rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love.

God, give me confidence that you have goodness stored up for me. Right now, in my unbelief, I expect abundant hardship from your hand. I believe the reverse of the Savior's words about your Fatherly love - I feel like I am asking for bread and you give me stones, for fish and you give me a snake... Or rather, for a child and you give me infertility, for a house and you give me a moldy basement and a rusty furnace. Conquer my unbelief! Cause me to fear you and take shelter in you and to expect good from you.


Joannah said...

Your words really resonated with me just now. Thank you.

Rochelle said...

God bless your openness. You are not alone in fighting unbelief. But blessed be his name, and may he give us all strength to run and fight this race... as difficult and challenging as it is for those of us in the "people going through hardships" badge club.

Katie said...

Thanks for fighting this fight of faith out here in the blogworld for us all to see. You shine the light of Christ brightly to us, Andrea!

Hope said...

You are one of the ones that has just what I need when I need it. You have shared your strength with me and others and there are times when I feel so defeated and I see your post or remember something you said. God is using you!

Keeping you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I have been battling with unbelief as well of late. Thank you for sharing this with us, I needed to hear it.