Tuesday was challenging.
The IUI went okay. Everything about the procedure itself happened as usual. However, Aaron's numbers were below the preferable range for IUI (motility 31% instead of 50% or greater, a count of 9 million - I think - instead of 10 million or greater). The nurse said the numbers weren't bad enough to cancel the IUI, but... momentary silence implying that we shouldn't get our hopes up... So we'll see. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to check if my ovary size indicates adequate progesterone production, and then we wait until the end of June to test for pregnancy. I know our God is bigger than any statistics, but if the conditions of this IUI are less favorable than our previous five - well, less favorable than a whole batch of negatives equals a pretty poor prognosis of success.
Then, we had bad news on the house front. You may remember we've been waiting to hear back in negotiations with the seller to take care of some relatively major issues (water damage, ancient furnace, etc.). Late Tuesday afternoon, the seller (or rather, her lawyer) sent a two-sentence letter "respectfully" declining to do any of the repairs we requested. I was bitterly disappointed. I've been trying to prepare my heart for a potential negative outcome and trying not to idolize this particular house, but the groundwork I laid crumbled almost immediately. The door hasn't completely closed on that home; we did hear a new development from the seller's lawyer today, and we're going to get some professional estimates on the work that needs to be done before we make any final decisions. But it's certainly not turning out to be a straightforward process.
So I've been weary. I'm battling unbelief, and I'm disappointed to see how my heart is growing to expect difficulty from the hand of God rather than blessing. (Honestly, my first thought upon getting the IUI and house news in the same day was, "What next, Lord? Are you going to cause one of our cars to explode? What else will you make go wrong?") I know that he will work this all for my good, and I know that all these things that feel like Plan B to me are part of his best purposes. But right now, I'd like to trade in my Person Who Grows Through Hardship badge for a membership in the People Who May Not Learn A Lot But At Least Life Is Easy club.
10 comments:
Dear Andrea, I am praying tonight that God will make you very aware of his presence with you...that "even the darkness is not dark to [him]; the night is bright as the day..." (ps 139:12). May he soon shed light so that you can see what he has been doing in the darkened places...but tonight as you wait for that, I pray you will feel the specificity and tenderness and infinitely wise care of God's thoughts for you..."How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you" (v. 18).
sarah
I'm so sorry to hear that... about the IUI and the house. It's so hard, especially when it rains, it pours. But don't lose hope (I know, easier said than done...)
I feel you girl but please don't let the seed of cynicism or unbelief take root in your heart. I hope you get a pleasant surprise with the outcome of this IUI cycle
I want that second badge too, sister.
I'm sorry about the house and the IUI. I'm praying that the IUI turns out miraculously in spite of Nurse Doom-n-Gloom. I wish there was a way to make all of this easier and faster. It's enough to make you want to die some days.
And the house...I don't know what to say. Hopefully the seller will get real and do what he needs to do. But if not, I hope you find your "house of dreams" somewhere else.
Oh, blech. I pray that you will truly be able to rest in the Lord during all this uncertainty.
This verse just came to mind, too.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Oh, I'm sorry it was such a rough day. That is a lot to take in on one day. You're right though in that this is not God's Plan B. He has his hand in all of it, in all of the yuck, and will bring about the best thing for you.
I'm sorry; that's a lot to take in in one day. I pray that God will give you peace and comfort over the coming days. And I hope for a miraculous end for your IUI cycle.
That is a lot to take. I'm sorry. You can't give up on the IUI yet though - with God nothing is impossible!
Andrea - here's something that Jodale Lee shared with me when I recently shared with her some of my struggles and trials that I had been going through: she said that there was this perfect environment where anything could be grown but for some reason the trees weren't growing. "They" the scientists later found out that the trees needed wind to grow; because without the constant force of the wind upon the trees, the roots couldn't grow into the ground, therefore producing weak and dying trees. Andrea, the LORD wants to make you strong, and He's using these difficult circumstances to make you strong in Him. You are by no means a "sideline Christian", you are an example and you're example should be emulated. Keep persevering, i'm praying for you! The Lord is good! Love you dear friend!
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