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New Year

Welcome, day one of the new year. Welcome, day one of a new cycle. Welcome, day one of our fifth year of trying to conceive. Sigh.

During the Christmas season, I found myself mulling over this verse from "Joy to the World":

No more let sins or sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground.
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as the curse is found.

The curse is found right here in this broken body of mine, this frail flesh that can't create and carry life like it's intended to do. I've had four years of growing sorrow, four years of the stinging, prickly thorn of infertility. How I would dearly love for His blessings to flow in a reversal of my barrenness, for the Lord to say, "No more!" to this trial. I don't know if that will happen in 2009. But he has said, "No more!" to my sin, has turned my soul into a fruitful garden, and has given me every spiritual blessing in Christ. That's more than enough for a very happy day and happy new year.


Alex and Jill said...

Love this post. :)

Praying he blesses you with a little one in this New Year.


Anonymous said...

Andrea, I love reading your blog because increasingly lately I need to be reminded of this very thing. I was reading some old writing of mine tonight and was reminded of when this was my mindset. Somewhere along the way my focus shifted and I became really focused on outward circumstance. Keep lighting up the gospel, girl. It's what we all need this new year.


Meridith said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As I am also hitting my 4 year TTC anniversary this month, I find myself feeling very hopeless... but I am reminded that I should look for hope in Christ alone... my desire should be for salvation in Him, regardless of my fertility status.

Thank you again for sharing your heart with us through your blog... (((hugs)))

Stacey said...

Andrea, this might be my favorite post you've ever written (and that's saying a lot). All I really know to say is "Amen."
I'm entering into my 8th year of trying to have a baby and as you know, the New Year is always hard. Thank you for these words and for this beautiful blog.

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

I know I am not alone in feeling that your exodus from fertility issues will come this year. I don't know why God would have such a faithful and gentle heart go through such a bastion of trials and soul-achingly harsh disappointments...but I, like you, know that He DOES have a reason. Perhaps the child you'll be gifted with needs to be raised with the extra endowment of love and appreciation for his very life that infertility generally brings once parenthood is finally, finally here. Perhaps this child will have an intellect and wit so sharp that he'll be the one to cure a disease that has ravaged one after another- or maybe he will be a peacemaker, helping to stop one region from battling with another, generation after generation.

My point is...whatever this child will do/be/become...your zeal for loving and appreciating him/her will be intensified immeasurably due to your infertility trails. Perhaps, for this particular was necessary. After all, haven't we all known someone who struggled with infertility for years, finally got pregnant, and then suddenly, surprisingly, became pregnant AGAIN with no intervention or intention just a few months after their much-battled-for child was born? Alternately, I know there are untold numbers of people who get pregnant easily and have no reason to think that subsequent children will not be added to their family as easily and quickly as the first one was. But then months of trying turns into years, the dream of having children spaced two years apart becomes a distant, unimportant memory; they just want the child now.

I have always wondered what causes these situations...why do women who get pregnant on the first or second try suddenly struggle for five years to get pregnant the second time?

Why does a woman, seemingly healthy and fit, whose life path would never indicate anything other than blessings and grace...go through more than four years of disappointments so bitter, they can leave on grasping for their very faith.

I don't know. But I can only surmise, given the loving and gentle God we serve, that sometimes it's necessary to go through such times because the particular child you'll be blessed with simply needs more love and devotion than the average child.

(No, I am NOT saying that people who haven't been through infertility love their children "less"'s just a different KIND of love and appreciation when you've worked so hard to get something that most others can get so easily)

In any case, I am truly praying that 2009 is your year- your year to get a "positive" test, your year to excitedly watch as your body begins those first burgeoning changes, your year to feel the miraculous fluttering that signifies new life and all the promise that comes with it...

My sincere, fervent, and frequent that this is your year for all of those things and many more.

Faith said...

Well said. Great post.

Rochelle said...

Praying for you this year... that God would bring a little one into your lives if he so wills... and that you will continue to trust in him and grow in his Word. God bless you guys!

Dave and Beth Saavedra said...

That is my absolute favorite verse of my favorite Christmas carol (it was our recessional - instrumentally - at our wedding). It is so good to be reminded that Christ will come and make all things new! We pray for you and Aaron regularly and send you our love for 2009.

OliveStreetStudio said...

Anonymous comment is a good-read for me as well. I also send many thoughts and prayers your way for a successful 2009 - in more ways than one.