Thinking in terms of idolatry opened up a window of understanding into my current trial of infertility. "We don't simply suffer; we suffer as sinners with a deep propensity to run after god-replacements. And, as believers, we don't just suffer as sinners but as those who have been united with Christ and therefore no longer live under the mastery of sin" (Tripp, p. 93). Infertility is grievous; idolatry is even more grievous. I don't know how or when this affliction will end, but I do know that my idolatry will end, crumbling bit by bit here on earth and ultimately toppling when my Savior brings me to heaven. I know it will be an ongoing struggle, but I want to put my desire for a child into the proper orbit. I want God as the sun in the center of my solar system, and I want good things - like children - revolving like planets around him. 1 Peter 4:1-2 says, "Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God." As I walk through the suffering of infertility, I want to see sin diminished in my life. I want suffering to make me more like my Savior. I will still have passions - included the intense yearning for children - but I should not live for them. I live for God, who is love and life.
"And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. Little children, keep yourselves from idols." (1 John 5:20-21)
2 comments:
Dear Andrea,
Your reflections on "Inferdolatry" are so rich, and have helped me in my own trials. Although my circumstances are different, the trial is essentially the same: Will I be satsfied wholly in God, or in my personal vision of how my life should be? Thank you for taking the time to express your struggle so eloquently and for holding up your heart next to God's word, to receive his life-giving Truth.
Andrea, there is so much of Jesus in this entry. I love what you said about wanting our children to be the planets revolving around the Lord. Really puts things into perspective. It might not be any consolation to you right now, but reading this makes my heart full of joy--the joy of knowing and seeing that the Lord is working and living brightly in you. My heart also aches for you and I continue to lift you up before Him. We love you!
Post a Comment