The shock of the diagnosis of my blocked fallopian tube has begun to fade. Though my first reaction cried, "Why does this infertility always get worse, never better?," the fog of discouragement is clearing so that I can see that this problem is not, in fact, a fresh trouble. My awareness of it is new, but the blockage has existed all along. Now that we know of it, we can do something about it. And while I desperately don't want to lose the tube and end up with impaired fertility for the rest of my life, I know that our odds of conceiving without the tube are better than any chance of pregnancy with the havoc that the damaged tube currently wreaks on my entire reproductive system. I pray that the doctor can easily repair the tube whatever the cause of the obstruction, but I can accept its removal if the laparoscopy shows that necessity. Brilliant, this willingness to permit what I don't have any ability to change, huh?
But I also try to keep in mind that there is One who can change all of this. Emotionally, that right fallopian tube of mine has swollen to epic proportions - a giant obstacle that will block me and crush me and leave no possible escape. In faith, though, I know that this defective body part is microscopically minuscule in comparison to God's glorious grandeur. He can, if he wills, heal; this is not too big for him. So that is my other prayer right now, that the Spirit will show his power and the Lord would advance his gospel by an act of miraculous healing - that the doctor, and those who follow my story, and even my future children would get a glimpse of God's saving ability through a laparoscopy that shows no blockage, no damage whatsoever. I want to believe that such a thing is possible, and I want to surrender to the Father's will whatever happens. Please pray along those lines with me.