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1.31.2008

Fallopian Tube: 7-14 cm; God: Infinite

The shock of the diagnosis of my blocked fallopian tube has begun to fade. Though my first reaction cried, "Why does this infertility always get worse, never better?," the fog of discouragement is clearing so that I can see that this problem is not, in fact, a fresh trouble. My awareness of it is new, but the blockage has existed all along. Now that we know of it, we can do something about it. And while I desperately don't want to lose the tube and end up with impaired fertility for the rest of my life, I know that our odds of conceiving without the tube are better than any chance of pregnancy with the havoc that the damaged tube currently wreaks on my entire reproductive system. I pray that the doctor can easily repair the tube whatever the cause of the obstruction, but I can accept its removal if the laparoscopy shows that necessity. Brilliant, this willingness to permit what I don't have any ability to change, huh?

But I also try to keep in mind that there is One who can change all of this. Emotionally, that right fallopian tube of mine has swollen to epic proportions - a giant obstacle that will block me and crush me and leave no possible escape. In faith, though, I know that this defective body part is microscopically minuscule in comparison to God's glorious grandeur. He can, if he wills, heal; this is not too big for him. So that is my other prayer right now, that the Spirit will show his power and the Lord would advance his gospel by an act of miraculous healing - that the doctor, and those who follow my story, and even my future children would get a glimpse of God's saving ability through a laparoscopy that shows no blockage, no damage whatsoever. I want to believe that such a thing is possible, and I want to surrender to the Father's will whatever happens. Please pray along those lines with me.

3 comments:

Hope said...

I am sooo praying for you, our God still does Miracles!! Claim it, I am claiming it for you! He is bigger than any mountain.

Just a quick note (though I am one that sometimes loathes the stories of this and that...if so don't read :) )

I have a friend who lost a tube (not in the parking lot or anything [hope that made you smile - made me chuckle]). They had been trying for a long time, and needed a TTC break. They took 6 months off - no meds, nothing. 4 or so months into it, she found out she was pregnant. Not only pregnant but with Twins! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

I really pray that they go in and see nothing bad. What a testimony that would give you!

((HUGS))
Hope

Jon said...

Amen!

gracechild said...

I will be praying with you. The good thing about all this is that we serve a God who only needs to say the word & it is done.To paraphrase the prayer, Serenity to accept the things you cannot change & wisdom to change the things you can are also a gift from God. Stay blessed AJ, u're in my thoughts & prayers