Friday ultrasound & bloodwork: check. Veins in right arm acting rebellious: check. Veins in left arm giving up the goods: check. Enough follicle production after two days of meds to call for lower doses over the weekend: check. Hassle with various pharmacy representatives trying to get more of said meds by tomorrow: check. All systems go; prepare to repeat on Monday.
Last Sunday, Tab continued our Romans series and preached on 6:12-14. He talked about resisting sin by presenting ourselves to God as instruments of righteousness. In light of my recent struggles with fearfulness, I was helped by the idea of specifically presenting my thought-life to righteousness, using my mind as a weapon against the enemy within. When I am tempted to imagine the worst-case scenario, I want to instead try to think on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable" (Philippians 4:8). When I irrationally worry that Aaron will die before I have the chance to bear his children, or when I start to assume that we will experience all the worst odds of infertility, I am trying to ask myself: "What is true?" The truth is that I don't know the future, and that such knowledge would be too much for me. The truth is that right now is full of blessing, even if it is also full of hardship. The truth is that I have a faithful God who sent his Son to die on the cross for me and who sympathizes with my sorrow and who works all things for my good. My frightful worries are not true, nor are they lovely. Finding shelter and rest in the hands of my Lord is lovely.