Balm

To Aaron.

My best beloved, these past weeks with you have been so sweet. You are my laughter in a time of sorrow. Our marriage grows more roots and branches, even as our dreams for a family seem to splinter. So many people have said, "Just enjoy the time you have together!" So much easier said than done. So easy to long for children and think that this unity, this one-ness we have is not enough. But we have had four years and counting of enjoying each other, growing in friendship and intimacy and fellowship. And I would not trade you, my husband, for all the children in the world. What a treasure to sleep in together on a Saturday morning, to savor a pot of tea in our pajamas, to take off on a whimsical bike ride, to look at each other and say, "We would gladly trade this freedom for a baby, but let's make this most of this; let's ride and smile together!" What a daily delight to sit down over dinner together, to share our days, what we have learned from God's word, where we have struggled, where we have found grace. What a haven to lay with your arm under my pillow and your knees pressed behind mine, as we close our eyes and I chatter to you of all the little things that I was too distracted to think to tell you until the darkness of bedtime. What a grace that right now - these weeks, these moments - the balm of your love soothes my heart. I am sick of deferred hope, but I am so content with you.

"What I'm trying to say in some clumsy way
is that it's you and only you -
not just for now, not just today -
but it's you and only you for always."
Nichole Nordeman, We Build