New Attitude - Infertility Style

We've now been back from the New Attitude conference for just over a week, and I'm still marshaling my thoughts and figuring out how to apply all I learned. The conference - primarily aimed at singles but open to young married couples - had a unique flavor for me as I spent most of the weekend with dawning realization that our first IVF had failed. I started spotting on our drive down to Louisville, and it continued for most of the weekend. As I struggled with the impending sorrow, I wondered why God wanted me at the conference at that particular time. The first few messages were all excellent, but they seemed to have no application whatsoever to my circumstances full of infertility and grief. But, even as I grumbled in my heart, the Lord met me in a very personal way. On Sunday evening - the halfway point of the conference - the worship time began with a few people sharing brief testimonies about how God has helped them in trials. Even then, my first reaction was to complain that I did not yet have a similar story about what God has done for me. Still, Aaron and I had a bittersweet time weeping before the Lord together. Then, Bob Kauflin sang a prophetic song for those experiencing a loss of some kind. The words he sang ministered balm to my soul and washed over me with awareness that my heavenly Father sees me, cares for me, and wants to speak to me. I knew in that moment that I was not just adrift at the conference but that the Savior had specific purposes for me there. The evening continued with a message on idolatry by C.J. Mahaney. (By the way, you can download all eight Na messages for FREE! from the Sovereign Grace Ministries website - link in sidebar.) Idolatry is a topic I have considered before, and one that is always helpful to hear again. C.J. spent quite a bit of time speaking about idolatry and tests of adversity, which definitely applied to me! One of the things he said that resonated most immediately was that tests of adversity are heightened when we encounter others who are undergoing tests of prosperity in the very same area. How true to my experience of infertility! Yet, what new eyes it brings to my situation to recognize that those friends who are blessed with children are facing tests, too - to be grateful and uncomplaining when nights with crying infants seem long, to keep the Lord as first priority rather than allowing children to be the little rulers of their lives, etc. As C.J. pointed out, biblical examples show that people tend to fail tests of prosperity more often than tests of adversity. So as God gives me grace in my affliction, I want to seek to help those friends who have had blessing poured out into their lives. I'm looking for scripture to renew my mind in that area and considering practical ways that I can put idolatry to death by serving others. We were encouraged at the conference to have one main application point, and that is mine - to be a blessing to those who are prospering with children and pregnancies even as I wade through adversity in that realm.

A few more general Na thoughts to come...