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6.06.2007

New Attitude - Infertility Style

We've now been back from the New Attitude conference for just over a week, and I'm still marshaling my thoughts and figuring out how to apply all I learned. The conference - primarily aimed at singles but open to young married couples - had a unique flavor for me as I spent most of the weekend with dawning realization that our first IVF had failed. I started spotting on our drive down to Louisville, and it continued for most of the weekend. As I struggled with the impending sorrow, I wondered why God wanted me at the conference at that particular time. The first few messages were all excellent, but they seemed to have no application whatsoever to my circumstances full of infertility and grief. But, even as I grumbled in my heart, the Lord met me in a very personal way. On Sunday evening - the halfway point of the conference - the worship time began with a few people sharing brief testimonies about how God has helped them in trials. Even then, my first reaction was to complain that I did not yet have a similar story about what God has done for me. Still, Aaron and I had a bittersweet time weeping before the Lord together. Then, Bob Kauflin sang a prophetic song for those experiencing a loss of some kind. The words he sang ministered balm to my soul and washed over me with awareness that my heavenly Father sees me, cares for me, and wants to speak to me. I knew in that moment that I was not just adrift at the conference but that the Savior had specific purposes for me there. The evening continued with a message on idolatry by C.J. Mahaney. (By the way, you can download all eight Na messages for FREE! from the Sovereign Grace Ministries website - link in sidebar.) Idolatry is a topic I have considered before, and one that is always helpful to hear again. C.J. spent quite a bit of time speaking about idolatry and tests of adversity, which definitely applied to me! One of the things he said that resonated most immediately was that tests of adversity are heightened when we encounter others who are undergoing tests of prosperity in the very same area. How true to my experience of infertility! Yet, what new eyes it brings to my situation to recognize that those friends who are blessed with children are facing tests, too - to be grateful and uncomplaining when nights with crying infants seem long, to keep the Lord as first priority rather than allowing children to be the little rulers of their lives, etc. As C.J. pointed out, biblical examples show that people tend to fail tests of prosperity more often than tests of adversity. So as God gives me grace in my affliction, I want to seek to help those friends who have had blessing poured out into their lives. I'm looking for scripture to renew my mind in that area and considering practical ways that I can put idolatry to death by serving others. We were encouraged at the conference to have one main application point, and that is mine - to be a blessing to those who are prospering with children and pregnancies even as I wade through adversity in that realm.

A few more general Na thoughts to come...

4 comments:

GLouise said...

It sounds like an amazing conference...I was just reading something similar in a devotional, about how sometimes our hardest tests come during times of prosperity vs. adversity. I may go check out the notes.... take care, dear friend.

Me said...

Isn't it amazing that God puts us where we need to be when we need to be there:) I will continue to pray for you as your start your next IVF cycle. Elaine

In Search of Morning Sickness said...

Wow. Those thoughts are SO TRUE! I loved the point CJ made about tests of adversiaty and our attitudes when others are tested of prosperity! That just crystallizes so many things I've seen in my own life. Thank you for sharing these thoughts, while you must personally be WANTING to apply them, but struggling as well. You're in my thoughts.

Michele said...

I had wondered how the NA experience was for you. Perhaps these verses from Gal 6 will be helpful to you. Verse 9 came to my mind as I read this, and I was surprised to realize exactly what followed it.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."