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Following the Rules

Well, well, well. Well, I should add. All four eggs fertilized! We'll get a report tomorrow on how many of those embryos are growing as they should, and then we'll know exactly when the transfer will be.

I've been thinking about my willingness to do just about anything to welcome these embryos for a nice long stay. Before I go home from retrieval and transfer, the nurse hands me a sheet of post-retrieval/transfer instructions. DO NOT CONSUME ALCHOHOL! DO NOT HAVE CAFFEINE! DO NOT LIFT ANYTHING OVER 5 LBS! DO NOT HAVE INTERCOURSE! DRINK AT LEAST 48 OZ OF WATER DAILY! And I happily comply. Granted, none of these instructions ask a lot of me. But there is the allure of the forbidden. On Sunday morning, knowing that caffeine was about to be completely verboten (and even though I have already significantly cut down on my caffeine consumption), I greedily poured myself half a cup of coffee from the dregs of the pot that Aaron had made in the french press earlier. And though I am not a devotee of exercise, suddenly I have such a strong urge to lift weights. Still, I will rigorously follow the instructions given, because WHAT IF I HAVE ONE SIP OF RIESLING AND THEREBY KILL ANY CHANCES OF THIS IVF WORKING?!! I am an IVF legalist. So, knowing the vested interest that patients have, wouldn't it be great if the clinics sent home more thorough instructions? GET TO BED ON TIME! DON'T HAVE DESSERT EVERY NIGHT! READ ONLY EDIFYING BOOKS! DON'T PROCRASTINATE! ENCOURAGE OTHERS! I'd be so motivated to do all these good things, if I thought they would help me to have a baby. The very tangible and desired end of pregnancy and parenthood makes me willing, even eager, to follow the clinic's instructions. So why is it so hard to obey the instruction of the Lord? Because I often don't have a clear view of the end goal. I set my eyes on my temporal desire (like sleeping 20 more minutes instead of getting up to read my Bible) instead of gazing on the blessings to be found in obedience. I don't want to be a legalist who thinks that obedience to God's word can earn my salvation (just like I don't want to fall into the trap of thinking that my actions could prevent God from sovereignly bestowing life through this IVF), but I do want to see Christ more vividly so that I am eager to pursue Christ-likeness.

Philippians 3:13-14 " thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."


Flicka said...

You are so right; If I thought acting more like the Lord wants me to would ensure me a baby, girl, I'd be a saint. Just goes to show that deep down I'm not as good as I think I's still all about me down in the depths of my heart. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to truly take hold of grace and let go of myself.

Four embryos is awesome! I'm praying for you. Now step away from that coffee pot!

GLouise said...

I always had the hardest time giving up coffee during treatments, and honestly couldn't give it up all the way!

Praying for you!