At 8:30 this morning, I had blood drawn. At 1:45 this afternoon, Dr. Peppy called to say the results were negative. Hope for a pregnancy has gone into hibernation, for now.
I was graciously given the afternoon off of work. I cried for most of the drive home, managing at times to sing in a whisper along to the song "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. Aaron sweetly arranged for a caffeinated treat for me. Once I got home, I promptly tore off the estrogen patches and settled in to finish reading The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde.
Although I am grieving the loss of this chance for pregnancy, I feel a peace that passes understanding. Aaron and I have faith for whatever God has in store for us. Right now, I could truly say, with Job, that "though He slay me, I will hope in Him" (Job 13:15). Please pray that the Lord's grace would sustain that spirit in my heart.
We're going to take a break from infertility treatments for a little while. We have some traveling we want to do in the fall, and I'm tired of having extra hormones coursing through my body at all times. Our insurance will cover up to two more IVF attempts, so we may still use those at some point in the future. But for now, we've had enough.