Yesterday I wrote about preaching Romans 4* to myself. In Romans 5:1-5, I found promises of God that I can preach to myself until I am fully convinced that God is able to do them. These are the precious promises of justification, the blessings secured to me by the righteousness imputed to me by Christ. I have peace with God. I have hope in his glory, knowing that he will show himself supremely good no matter what happens. I can rejoice in suffering, even in infertility. God promises me endurance, character, hope, and love. By his Spirit, he has helped me to endure three years of infertility and all its disappointments. I trust that he will give me endurance for as many more years of suffering that lie ahead. He is producing character in me, teaching me to obey him in everything, to know and trust him, to bear fruit even under withering heat. Now I need hope - hope that my future will not be all trouble, hope that hope itself will not shame me. Within the online community of infertility, hope is often portrayed as foolish, weak, silly; the real infertility veterans wear a badge of cynicism, a shield meant to inure us against disappointment. There is a fear - a fear that I feel - that high hopes will make the fall that much harder. If I don't hope that I might be pregnant, that next cycle starting won't hurt so badly and faulty expectations won't leave me feeling foolish. But hope won't put me to shame. God promises! This is where I want to grow right now, in having enough faith to hope that God's glory will be shown in my life, whether through a miraculous pregnancy or through ongoing trust despite deferred hope. Hope will not put me to shame, because I have assurance of God's love, proven on the cross of Christ and shed on my heart by the Holy Spirit. With that assurance, may I not waver or distrust these heavenly promises.
*By the way, click here for someone else's very helpful thoughts on the same verses in Romans 4.