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Blueberries for Hope

Many infertile women have a box. Or a drawer. A shelf. A room. A place where they have stored up a collection of items for that longed-for baby. Outfits. Blankets. Books. The collection and the place where it's stored can be a symbol of hope or a painful, tangible reminder of misplaced dreams. I don't have that collection or that place. I think it's partially due to a streak of Dutch practicality - why would I waste money on something that isn't a reality? And I think it's a form of self-protection - there are enough reminders in the world of my childless state, so why willfully inflict additional pain on myself? So I don't own anything* for my future children, and I'm content with that.

That is, I didn't own anything for future children, until yesterday. Yesterday, when my sweet husband came home from a brief business trip with a gift to represent our newfound optimism. He bought me a children's book, Blueberries for Sal, which he said he hopes will be the start of a collection. I hope so, too.

For the record, if I were to make a similar gesture to him, I would give him this. In fact, the only thing that stopped me from ordering it as soon as I saw it is that same Dutch practicality which whispered, "Yes, you're confident you'll be parents someday, somehow, but what if you adopt a two-year-old too big for this to fit?" But I regularly check to make sure the item is still there, on sale, waiting for the right time to purchase it. (Lord, please let it be soon!)

*Unless you count the box in storage that contains gifts that each of our mothers presented on our wedding day: one (1) pair ducky baby booties and the supplies to create one (1) ducky bathroom. I told you they were obsessed with giving us duck stuff. (We love you, moms! We just like joking about the duck stuff!)


JJ said...

We have one thing--and its a onesie that I got the month before we started trying. Its still in a drawer..and I come across it every now and then-while it makes me sad, it also makes me smile thinking of our little one wearing it...someday.
Blueberries are good for you;)

Anonymous said...


You'll be happy to know that I have that same onesie in sizes from preemie to 4T. So unless y'all adopt a kindergartener, you're set. I also have a white Carter's dress with diaper pants...the dress has the guitar and the diaper pants have a pick on the tush. :) I also have THAT in every size. Also, you can get it available with "The looks may come from Mom...but the cool is from Daddy!"

The hubman and I thought they'd be great to sell at the ROT Rally here in Austin last year...and they were, but ONLY the ones that actually had references to motorcycles ("My other stroller is a harley", etc) so almost all the cute guitar ones are just sitting in a box under my desk.

And getting it for free would not offend your Dutch sensibilities, right? Let me know if you want one in each size now (and you can give away the sizes you don't need, or just let your child(ren) have one for each season) or you want to wait and have me send one after all his/her other clothes are already stained with spit-up ;^)

(from your class at WW)

PS- I forgot...the guitar also comes in pink, blue, and light yellow and says "I Was Born This Cool". Also have light yellow with just the guitar. All of the materials are Gerber or Carter's preshrunk and are soooo incredibly soft.

andrea_jennine said...

Thanks for the kind offer, Liz, but I'd prefer to just wait for now.

Lauren said...

I don't have much in the way of baby stuff either, probably due to the practical side of me as well. However, I have a weakness for books in general, and I have to stop myself from buying children's books everytime I see them.

I'm also taking a sewing class where we learn to make kids clothes (ironic?) So, I have two little dresses ready and waiting for our first child. I always think I want a boy first, but Matt probably wouldn't let me put a boy in these girly dresses!

Glenna Marshall said...

All I have is a teeny tiny sweater for a baby girl. A friend bought it for me to give to another friend for a shower (she did the shopping for me, so to speak)...and I could not bear to part with it. It has been hanging on the closet doorknob for about a year and a half, after hiding in the closet for two and a half years in the room that will be the nursery.

I have not allowed myself to buy anything else. My self restraint is only the result of severed hopes.

What is sweet is that the same friend who bought it still remembers that I have it. When I told her we were moving forward with the adoption, she said, "I hope it's a girl so she can wear the little peach sweater!!" :)

I hope to buy a little something once each milestone of our adoption process is reached. I still hesitate, if I have no right to be there in the baby department.

Anonymous said...

I didn't have anything child related. I couldn't walk past a children's clothing store without crying, I certainly wasn't going to step into one.

In fact, I didn't have ANYTHING for my daughter until I was in my last trimester of pregnancy. I didn't buy the car seat to bring her home from the hospital until 5 days before my due date.

Anonymous said...

I don't have a box either...too painful. The only things I have a re two tiny hats, my first ever knitting projects. One for a preemie, one for a full-term newborn. I hope I get to use the bigger one day and that the preemie one stays in stroage forever. They're stuffed into the bottom of my knitting basket where I can't see them. I'm doing better....just not that much better.


gracechild said...

I don't have a box or collection but of late i've been thinking of getting one. we'll see

Anonymous said...


Please don't worry. I'm not going anywhere and neither are these outfits. They'll be waiting, wrapped in tissue and aired out once a month...being well cared for until such a time as you will need them...a time that I have absolute faith is coming sooner rather than later. Your long, long winter will soon ease into a lovely, blooming Spring...I just know it.


Gwen said...

Hello-following links (somehow lol) I found you!

I just wanted to introduce myself and say I have been where you are. I'm older now and still infertile but mom to three beautiful children through adoption. One of which named Hope! For some reason lately I've been drawn to look at infertility blogs although I have not been down that road for a while. So...not quite sure why I got here but if I can offer HOPE I would be glad to do so!

Sounds like good news on your laparoscopy! YEAH!!!